


Bloodsport

by elesary



Series: Dying is easy -- living is harder [1]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Established Relationship, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Oral Sex, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:02:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26073865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elesary/pseuds/elesary
Summary: If Neil thought that his nightmares would disappear with the bodies of his father and Riko, he is sorely mistaken. His sophomore year brings many changes, starting with the fact he's alive for it. But Aaron's trial is on the horizon, and the Freshman are more trouble than they're worth as far as he's concerned. As Neil prepares to lose the girls, he wonders if he'll lose himself too.  Someone is watching him, someone who knows how to make him hurt. Nightmares aren't the only thing that go bump in the night. But Neil has promised to stop running, and he finally has something- someone- to stand his ground for.
Relationships: Katelyn/Aaron Minyard, Kevin Day/Thea Muldani, Matt Boyd/Danielle "Dan" Wilds, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Nicky Hemmick/Erik Klose
Series: Dying is easy -- living is harder [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1892905
Comments: 71
Kudos: 196





	1. Chapter 1

If Neil thought that the death of his monsters would stop the nightmares, he was agonizingly wrong. The Foxes, exhausted and shaking from victory had no desire to spend the night in the shadow of the Nest, especially once news of Riko’s “suicide” broke. There would undoubtedly be riots once his rabid fans heard and no one, least of all Andrew, wanted Neil anywhere near another riot. Neil had to be nearly carried by his bemused uncle Stuart from Ichirou’s sight after the execution when his legs finally gave out and refused to bear his weight. Neil couldn’t imagine what he looked like as he staggered into the locker room, grinning his father’s blood-satisfied smile.  
Luckily for him, his Foxes were distracted, and the only one of them who would never have missed any entrance of his was in the shower, judging by his discarded uniform and missing towel. Neil took a moment to stare at them, glorious in their victory. He basked in the impossible knowledge that he got to keep this, keep them. “Good luck kid, call me if this-” Stuart waved his hand around the room after he propped Neil against the wall “doesn’t work out.”

Neil nodded, even though they both knew his words were empty. If Neil failed at Exy he would be dead long before he made it to England. He supposed he should be grateful for the offer, but he couldn’t quite manage it. “Mary would-” Stuart continued after an awkward pause.  
“Have beaten the shit out of me daily for months now.” Neil cut his uncle off, not unkindly, but he didn’t see the point in pretending his mother was someone she wasn’t. It was useless pretending she would have allowed this, painful to pretend she would have been proud of him. She had loved him, but her love was a hard thing, pressing him inexorably forward to a new city, a new name, always away. She had no capacity for any of the softness, pride or humanity that shone in the lounge. 

“Erm.” Stuart looked uncomfortable, standing in his suit in the moist room that smelled of too many rank athletes, none of whom had even noticed his appearance, despite him sticking out like a sore, british, mob boss thumb. Neil was sure it was a new experience for his posh uncle, and felt a swell of pride and amusement at his team. “I ah, must be off.” Stuart made a fussy movement, as if checking the time, although he didn’t wear a watch.

“Thank you,” Neil said sincerely, reaching out for a handshake, ignoring the way his hand didn’t want to clench. He meant it, Stuart had done the best he could for Neil, had bought him the time to prove his worth to Ichirou, and stood in staunch, if silent, support throughout the execution. The rest was up to Neil, but he silently promised himself that he wouldn’t lose his uncles number. He couldn’t imagine calling it, but he wouldn’t lose it.  
As soon as his uncle had vanished, Neil turned his full attention back to his teammates, tasting joy along with the salty sweat on his lips. There was Matt, grinning up at his parents as he iced his leg, ignoring the way they ignored each other. Dan clung to his arm and introduced her stage sisters to his parents. Neil focused on their clasped hands, gripped so tightly even Dan’s mocha skin shone white over her knuckles.  
Allison’s lips were pursed and her cheek was pressed against Renee’s as they posed for a Stephanie’s camera phone, Renee’s dangerous hand holding up a peace sign. Neil hoped that that photo made it to the collage that decorated the Foxes locker room back at Palmetto. As Allison’s fingers retrieved the phone and stroked masterfully over the keyboard, Neil was sure it would. 

Neil had expected Nicky to be floating. Bubbly and sociable, he should have been bouncing between the groups like a champagne cork, but instead, he was in the farthest corner of the room, almost lost in the shadows. He was curled up in Erik’s lap. For a moment, Neil thought he was sleeping, but he noticed the small strokes he kept pressing to the other man’s face, as if reassuring himself he was still there, pressed against him. Erik didn’t seem to mind, if the softness in his eyes as he looked at Nicky was to be believed. 

Across the room, Wymack and Abby hovered protectively over Kevin’s hunched form. Kevin, who had achieved the unachievable, who had played with his shattered hand and shone. Kevin, who had stood beside him, proudly wearing his new tattoo, reclaiming his power in his own right. Kevin, whose best friend and would be brother still leaked blood somewhere in this massive building, unless Ichirou had already had him thrown out with the rest of the trash. Neil felt a rush of pride and took two steps toward him before he stopped. This moment seemed too fragile, too vulnerable for him to intrude on, especially when he still couldn’t claw that smile off of his face. Neil would not be able to stop himself from sharing Riko’s death, and he lacked the compassion to comfort Kevin’s inevitable grief. Best leave him in his father’s care. 

A flash of white blond hair caught Neils eye, but the fierceness he felt in response faded before it could even begin to grow. Aaron straddled one of the wooden benches that cut across the room, facing the black sheet of glass and red markers for the coaches and captains to write on. The only message “get fucked and die, shitbirds” seemed more like Nicky’s style than Coach’s, as did the alternating smiley faces and cartoon penises that circled the thoughtful message. Across from Aaron, a petit cheerleader with auburn hair bent her head to his, pushing that familiar looking hair, still spiky with sweat, back from his forehead. Bold of them, out in the open like this, almost like a casual slap. It likely wouldn’t go without a response.  
Movement dragged Neil’s head to the right and there. The breath left his lungs in a whoosh and he just… fell to his knees as he tried to step towards Andrew. Andrew must have decided to shower while he waited for Neil to return with Stuart. His hair was damp, his sweats fresh and his armbands well stocked and properly situated on his forearms. Neil absently noticed that his matching pair were beginning to itch with drying sweat as Andrew’s eyes, on him since he turned the corner, rolled at kneeled form. “Two minutes, Josten, I can’t leave you for two minutes.” Andrew’s voice, calm and empty and bored was a balm on Neil’s ragged soul. His thumb, steady and blunt, finally managed to erase that cruel smile that had frozen itself across Neils mouth. 

“Riko’s dead,” Neil told him to distract himself from the clenching pain in his legs and the desire to run his fingertips over Andrew’s expressionless face as he was hauled, none too gently, over to the bench where Aaron futilely tried to hide a trembling Kaitlyn. Don’t think you’re such hot shit now, huh? Neil thought nastily as Aaron’s chin tilted up in a defensive challenge, but Andrew ignored them, too focused on the tiny droplets of blood that decorated Neil’s collar. 

Andrew’s eyebrow shot up as he scraped a speck of blood off of the fabric with his fingernail, his hand brushing a line of fire across Neil’s collarbone. It would be a mistake from anyone else, but Andrew never touched anyone by accident. Neil appraised him, but Andrew didn’t scold him for staring, instead he said “this had better be his.” He ran his eyes over Neil’s body as if he had missed a gaping wound. No matter how clinical the examination, Neil couldn’t stop the rush he felt in his blood.

“Ichirou shot him, right through the head.” His hand floated up, a grotesque replication of Ichirou’s affectionate hold on his brother before he fired the shot. The comparison was so sickening, Neil had to take a deep breath to push down his nausea. 

“Too fast,” Andrew muttered, and Neil had to agree. “Time to go, Coach.” Andrew raised his voice only slightly, but the whole room turned their attention to him. Without waiting for acknowledgement, Andrew hoisted Neil back up and all but dragged him to the bathroom, thrusting a pile of clean clothes into his arms before vanishing back through the doors to silence the clamor that had broken out at his abrupt announcement. Absently, Neil hoped that he hadn’t had to draw his knives, but that was never a safe bet with Andrew, especially when it came to Neil. The flicker of warmth that had glowed since he entered the lounge bloomed. 

When he finally emerged from the bathroom, having painstakingly changed from his soiled uniform and clumsily splashed water on his face, Andrew was the only one in the lounge. Considering both of their bags and equipment were missing, Neil assumed the others were loading the bus with Wymack. For a moment, Neil leaned against the door jam and stared at Andrew. He was the only hint of brightness in the claustrophobic room, now that the lurid splashes of Fox orange had left with his teammates. Neil suddenly felt the sickening pull of his memories of Christmas, when he nearly lost himself in rooms just like this one. He must have made a sound because Andrew’s head flashed up and Neil was immediately caught and held in his steady hazel gaze. Neil’s throat loosened as quickly as it had tightened up and he opened his mouth. “If you say you’re fine I’m leaving you here,” Andrew lied.

“I- I need - can you help me? I don’t think I can walk.” Neil replied, helplessly gesturing at his thighs, which still jumped erratically, twitching out of control as his muscles struggled to cope with the strain. 

Neil tried to keep the distance between their bodies as Andrew looped an arm around his waist, taking his weight, sharp fingers digging into his hip bones with steadying strength. “Idiot,” Andrew hissed, tugging him firmly closer, “I can’t help you if you’re going to be this stupid.” Neil relented and sagged into Andrew. He focused solely on Andrew’s grip and comforting warmth as he hobbled down the echoing hallways and out into the fresh aired darkness. It might have rained at some point since they arrived hours earlier, because the warm smell of petrichor drifted through the air. Neil breathed deeply, ignoring the shouts and angry noises that existed somewhere outside the bubble Andrew created for him.  
Neil didn’t realize how empty the bus was until after he boarded it. Wymack and Abby talked quietly, divvying up the drive between them. Kevin sat with his head down and his hand pressed against the glass window facing the Nest, but the rest of the rest of the rows were deserted. “Where is everyone?” Neil wondered aloud.

“Dan and Matt went to the airport to drop off his parents and her friends, they’ll ride back with Renee, Allison and Stephanie later. Nicky is with Erik and Aaron is on the other bus.” Andrew replied, absently flexing his hand as he mentioned his brother. Neil frowned when he noticed the skin on Andrew’s knuckles was bruised. Neil brushed his thumb a hairsbreadth over the broken skin. Andrew’s only response to his unasked question was to dump him unceremoniously into the back row with an unimpressed glare. Usually Neil chose to accept whatever non answer Andrew chose to give him, but this time he decided to use his words. “Aaron?” he guessed, his voice almost lost in the rumble of the bus over the wet pavement. Easy enough for Andrew to ignore if he really didn’t feel like answering.

“I told him to keep her out of my sight.” It was the only explanation anyone was going to get and Neil just shrugged. As far as he was concerned, Andrew had been painfully clear about his boundaries where Kaitlyn was concerned; responsibility for any altercation between the twins that stemmed from her presence in the lounge tonight sat squarely on Aaron’s shoulders.

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, and Neil savored it, watching dark trees bleed together, illuminated by the headlights as they raced South-wards. For the first time in his life, Neil’s future wasn’t haunted by the spectre of an impending long and painful death and the sweetness of that took his breath away. By the time they reached Roanoke, Neil had fallen asleep, hood covered cheek pressed against the glass, safe in Andrews shadow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember kiddos, enthusiastic consent is not only sexy -- its a basic human right! :)

It was the noise and not the light that woke Neil the next day. It was clearly afternoon, judging by the angle of the light coming in through the window. His thoughtless stretch ended abruptly as screaming agony raced through every muscle he had. He collapsed back on the pillows with a groan. He had blown out his legs during the game last night and this pain felt more like a gift than Riko’s final revenge. Neil was alone in the bedroom. He had vague memories of Andrew bullying him into the Maserati in the early hours of the morning and corralling him and Kevin up the stairs to the dorm. Andrew had tossed Kevin against the ladder to his bed with a warning that he had better be sleeping by the time he was done with Neil. Andrew had dragged Neil to the shower just long enough to scrub the stink off. Neil had been so tired he had clutched the soap dish just to stay upright as Andrew soaped him down, not bothering to get in with him. The rest of the night was a blur of sleep and dreams. The ache in his jaw from gritting his teeth told Neil that most of them had probably been nightmares, but he didn’t remember waking up screaming so he figured he was okay.

Neil, who usually woke early and raring to go for a run, had slept well into the afternoon, not even rousing when the others did. As if his mom would have needed another reason to beat him these days. He was losing his edge. 

It sounded like a party was happening in the common room, the familiar sounds of Fox chaos drifting through the cinder block walls; Allison’s music, Nicky’s excited chatter, glass bottles clinking. Neil rallied enough to pull himself out of bed and hobble to the doorway. His sweatshirt hung in an unfamiliar way, and one deep inhalation told him it was Andrews. Hmmm. That was….something.

“Neil!” Nicky cried, swinging around Erik’s body to face him with his familiar shit-eating grin, bottle of goldschlager hanging precariously from his fingertips. 

“Neil!” Allison, Dan and Matt cried, converging on him from all directions, clobbering him in a group hug that forced his breath out of his lungs and suddenly he was in the trunk of a car, Lola’s body pressed sickenly close. A vice clamped over his wrist and yanked him hard enough that he slipped from the upperclassmen’s embrace. Andrew waited for Neil to regain his footing before releasing him, glaring at their drunk team mates. 

Neil just shrugged at the outrage in their faces over Andrew’s overprotectiveness, unwilling to admit to such a disturbing flashback from such an innocent act. “What’s going on?” he was mostly asking Andrew, it was unlike him to allow so many people into his space, but the upperclassmen were easily distracted by the question.

“Riko’s dead!” Nicky crowed, never one for subtlety. “He shot himself. In the head.” he nodded wisely, Erik neatly catching the goldschlager as it slipped from his hands. Nicky didn’t seem to notice. “The T.V. said so.”

“It’s a victory party planning party!” Allison corrected, waving a colorful hand as if she could erase Nicky’s words. “Riko’s death is just an added bonus!”

“You didn’t tell them?” Neil asked Andrew, who shrugged carelessly. “Where’s Kevin?”

“Didn’t tell us what?” Aaron asked from one of the beanbag chairs. Neil hadn’t noticed him when he entered the room, but there was no missing the dark bruise and darker glare he levelled at Neil.

Aaron wasn’t worth sneering at, not when Neil’s eyes were filled with Andrew’s profile. “Riko didn’t kill himself. Where’s Kevin?” Andrew met Neil’s eyes blandly, not bothering to answer besides a dismissive flick of his fingers, stop staring. Neil swallowed his frustration, it was pointless. He had hoped to be able to talk to Kevin himself, before the news broke. Grief, especially the unearned kind, could eat at you, especially when no one shared it. Neil hoped Nicky hadn’t been the one to tell him, hoped he wasn’t even in the room when Kevin found out; Nicky wasn’t known for his discretion. What he was known for was his enthusiasm. Not a great combination for this particular situation.

“Uhm, Neil, it’s all over the news.” Matt said carefully.

Suddenly, Neil felt all of his edges, usually softest around his Foxes, harden to lethal blades. He didn’t know if it was the casual celebration of death, the nightmares that still flickered between his synapsis or the pain that lingered in his muscles. “Taking a suicide at face value? For shame, what would Seth say? Where is Kevin?” The cruel words were out before he could even taste them on his tongue. Two deaths, both directly tied to his actions, his big mouth, and even still he couldn’t summon a teaspoon of grief for either of them. Finally, something for his mother to be proud of. 

Allison’s breath escaped her in a shocked hiss of pain. “Harsh much, Neil?” Dan said, not hiding her anger. Matt wordlessly pulled Allison into a hug, staring at Neil like he was a stranger. Nicky, loyalties clearly divided, swayed on his feet. Erik looked awkwardly at the ceiling. Aaron raised one bruised eyebrow and sipped his beer. Neil felt Andrew staring at him. 

“Allison, I-” Allison lifted a hand at him imperiously, wordlessly telling him to fuck all the way off. Andrew tossed his keys up into the air and snatched them back just as quickly, the jingle drawing Neil’s attention. He turned on his heel and left without another word. Neil knew without being told that Andrew was going to Kevin, Neil could stay or go as he chose, but he offered an escape. He looked helplessly at the upperclassmen for a moment before muttering an apology. He ignored Aaron’s smirk and avoided Nicky’s struggling smile and hurried after Andrew.  
\--

The short drive to Wymack’s house was quiet. This quiet was one of comfort, not pain, and Neil allowed himself to be soothed by the fact that Andrew did not care what Neil said. Here was one person Neil didn’t have to worry about hurting. Andrew simply didn’t care enough.

“Nicky told him in a toast.” Andrew warned Neil as they hovered by the car for a cigarette. Neil inhaled the scent of smoke greedily, desperately seeking something to ground him. “Coach came to get him after that.” Andrew didn’t mention that he would have been the one to call Wymack, the one to hold Kevin up until he arrived. “When I got back to the room it was infested.” Andrew dropped his cigarette in disgust.

Wymack didn’t look up from his whiskey when Andrew and Neil let themselves into his apartment. He sat at the kitchen table, thinning hair messed from his fingers, staring at his glass. He had that look on his face, the desperate exhaustion that came from fighting for each of his players, and losing too many battles to make it worth it. Absently, Neil wondered how much worse it was when the player was his son. “He’s on the couch, Andrew. Neil,” Andrew hovered in the doorway for a moment, making sure Neil was okay being left before moving on to collect Kevin. Neil did not envy him the job, Kevin was a nightmare to wake up on a good day. 

“Yes Coach?” Neil rapped a knuckle on the table until he felt able to meet Wymack’s gaze. 

“Dan called.” he said casually, looking Neil over. “Said you’re not feeling yourself today.” Neil winced, but Wymack was steady, as usual. “We are having a party tonight at the court. Call Bee, go on a quick run, do whatever it is you have to to pull yourself together before then. We have a championship win to celebrate, dammit.”

“Yes Coach,” Neil agreed, throat numb. He was drifting farther and farther away from Neil Josten, and the timing was as mystifying as the experience was nauseating.

Kevin was practically catatonic, but the three men managed to maneuver him into the back of the Maserati. Kevin mumbled and took a swing at Neil when he confiscated the vodka Kevin was clinging to like a baby to his blanket, but a harsh yank on the back of his sweatshirt pulled him neatly out of range. Reflexes like those would see Andrew make court, if he ever bothered to try. Neil shut the door on Kevin and slid into the seat next to Andrew, steadfastly ignoring Andrew’s eyes until he huffed and pulled out of the driveway. Neil rolled the bottle, sloshing and no longer cold, between his hands and considered guzzling the remaining liquid. He no longer feared revealing secrets to his team after all, and Andrew would watch his back if they ran into anyone else, but now he had a new fear. He was known for his sharp tongue, clever, biting, and sometimes cruel, but he had never directed it at his team before, not really. He couldn’t risk his particular brand of brutality slipping out when his self-control was already shot. He put the bottle by his feet and kicked it until it was out of sight. Andrew pulling into the parking spot sent it rolling back at his foot, taunting him.

Kevin groaned and muttered all the way up the stairs, drawing looks from several other athletes as they walked him into the elevator and down the hall to their room. Neil imagined that they made quite a sight, two short and angry men hoisting a stumbling celebrity who had almost a foot on them. Neil would have laughed, if that ball of light that had filled his chest since their victory hadn’t been extinguished.

It was almost four by the time they dumped Kevin on the couch. Neil began pacing around the small livingroom, Andrew shot him a bored glare and vanished into the kitchen. He returned a few minutes later with a baggie of gummy worms and an apple, which he chucked directly at Neil’s face. Neil’s quick reflexes saved him from a black eye and Andrew’s apathy saved him from Neil’s glare. “Roof?” Neil asked, instead of picking a fight he wouldn’t win even if he won. 

Andrew looked pointedly at the Kevin-shaped lump on the couch. “I thought you wanted to deal with this.” It wasn’t a no, but it wasn’t a yes either. 

“He’s not going anywhere for a while,” Neil shrugged, movement jerky. “He’s on his side, so he won’t die if he pukes. If you don’t want to go to the roof, I can just go on a run.”

“You’ll run, you mean.” Andrew said flatly, but Neil could suddenly taste his anger. 

Neil twitched, wanting escape his own skin, which felt like it was strangling him. “I don’t want to,” he shoved his fingers through his hair, ignoring how numb his scar tissue made his hands. Neil couldn’t trust himself not to run run run right now, but he trusted Andrew to stop him. 

Andrew flicked an assessing look at Kevin. Even though Riko was dead, he was still bound by his deal and Neil knew it went against Andrew’s finely tuned protective instincts to leave Kevin alone in this shape, but he motioned Neil towards the door and abruptly vanished into the bedroom. Neil heard a drawer slam and Andrew reappeared, shoving Neil out the door and locking it. Neil swayed with relief, he was spiralling, he knew that. And Andrew, Andrew was grounding. Andrew was fucking gravity. Neil still had to talk to Kevin and apologize to Allison, but first he had to figure out how to breathe again. 

“What do you want?” Andrew asked as he lit up in the warm afternoon air, cupping one capable hand to protect the flame until his cigarette caught. The breeze was soft and from the ledge Neil could see clumps of students studying on the quad. Finals were coming up, Neil hadn’t even thought of that.

He looked at his hands, examining the scars, white and tight across his knuckles. “I thought winning would make me feel more real.” He confessed, “but I don’t now how to fit in my skin, not when everything’s so permanent.” His words didn’t make a lot sense, but Andrew accepted them anyway, hooking his hands into Neil’s borrowed sweatshirt. 

“Neil. Yes or no?” Andrew blew smike into Neils face. 

“Andrew," Neil breathed, "yes.” Neil had leaned in for his kiss, but Andrew clearly had other ideas. He dropped his cigarette and dragged Neil down to the concrete. Laying down, they were invisible from the ground and there were no taller buildings close enough that they could be seen. Andrew’s clever fingers shoved Neil’s hoodie up to his shoulders and whipped hit over his head, but didn’t pull it off, he left Neil’s arms pinned above him, with his head pillowed by the taut fabric. “Wha..” Neil gasped, helplessly hardening as Andrew nipped his way down Neil’s scarred chest and lower, lower until he knelt between Neil’s twitching legs, sharp fingers catching in the waistband of his jeans.

“You’re already so flushed,” Andrew mumbled absently. “I haven’t even touched you yet. I didn’t pin your hands because I don’t trust you not to touch me if I don’t tell you to. It’s important to me that you know that. Do you understand that? Neil, nod if you understand me.” Neil nodded furiously, flushed and gasping, impossibly turned on. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from Andrew, he looked utterly indifferent, aside from heavy intensity in his eyes and the visible erection. “Good, Neil. I pinned them because I want you to focus on your body and how I am going to make you feel, and on who you are. Right here, in this moment. I want to blow you, and while I do, I want you to tell me who you are and who you are with. Yes or no?”

Neil gaped, unable to catch his breath. How could Andrew expect him to do anything else but moan in response to that? Already his world was narrowing, he felt the rough asphalt against his back, felt the clench of his fingers in the hoodie and the painful tightening of his jeans. His hips burned where Andrew still touched him. Andrew stayed perfectly still around him, Neil would almost believe he was bored if he wasn’t panting slightly, looking down at him. “Ye- Yes Drew.” he nodded again, over and over. 

Andrew nodded once sharply and then yanked Neil’s pants and boxers down in one smooth motion. Neil keened, erection bouncing obscenely, already dripping precum. “What is your name?” Andrew demanded, taking Neil in hand. 

“Neil Josten,” Neil gasped, “Number 10, starting striker for the Palmetto State Foxes. God, Andrew!” Neil writhed as Andrew took the tip of his dick into his mouth and sucked, meeting Neil’s eyes. The image was so hot that Neil almost came right then.

Andrew sucked for a moment, hollowing his cheeks and humming, the vibrations sending jolts of pleasure up Neil’s spine until he saw stars. And then Andrew pulled off with a pop. “Tell me again, Neil. Who are you? Why are you here? Convince me you want to be here, because that’s the only way I’ll keep you here.” Andrew’s voice was a low rasp, fire licking up Neil’s thighs.

“Ugh- Yes!”

“When you stop talking, I stop what I’m doing. Do you understand me?” Neil nodded frantically and watched in desperation as Andrew sat back on his heels and looked over the mess he had already made of Neil. Neil could barely breath under a look that heavy and dark, and he felt vulnerable with his hands pinned. He shivered as the breeze picked up, cooling his damp dick. Neil wanted Andrew back, his hands and mouth and that solid presence that held him to the earth. 

“My- my name is Neil Abram Josten,” Andrew sank back down and swallowed Neil whole. “Yes Andrew!” Neil’s hands scrabbled for purchase, found none. “Starting striker, number 10, PSU Foxes!” One of Andrew’s hands rolled Neil’s balls, and Neil forgot his name. He had had twenty two of them in his life and every single one of them was wiped away under Andrew's hands. "Andrew," he gasped like it was a mantra, the only sound he could force from his throat.

Andrew pulled off of Neil long enough to fix him with a stern glare, which turned cautious and assessing as he watched Neil try to gather his thoughts.

“Keep going, I want - want you to. I am with Andrew Minyard, number 3, goalie.” Neil’s voice was absolutely wrecked. Andrew glared at Neil for another interminable moment before sucking him deep again. Neil felt every stroke, every swallow and his eyes rolled back, black dots filling his vision. “I want to stay, I want to stay, I want to stay. Drew? Can’t I stay?” Neil was babbling, begging, losing track of everything but Andrew, and what he wanted Neil to say, and what he could do with his mouth. 

Andrew rolled Neil's balls with one hand and scratched a line down Neil's chest with his other, sending aching darts of tension and pleasure singing down Neil's nerves. The rhythmic suction of Andrew's warm mouth rendered Neil an incoherent, keening mess of a man. He jerked, he writhed, he babbled, stumbling over his own name, willing to say anything just as long as Andrew continued moving. Finally, finally, he was allowed to come, pouring down Andrew’s throat, legs straightening so hard he felt his foot cramp, but that pain was lost in the mindbending pleasure of “Andrew!”

When he came back to himself, time had past, but it was impossible to tell how much. His pants had been buttoned back up and Andrew had pulled Neil’s sweatshirt over his head so it hung properly. Andrew’s hand was in his hair and he was smoking again. Neil blinked up at him, unable to repress a smile “Hi.” It was a stupid thing to say, but Neil’s thoughts were hazy, unfocused. He no longer wanted to run, he wanted to stay right here, under the painfully blue sky, warm gravel under his back, forever.

Andrew met his gaze, worry turning to assessment fading to boredom as he assured himself Neil was okay. “You are very loud,” he observed. “How embarrassing for you.”

Neil hummed, he tried to dredge up some shame, but he felt too good, too light, too cared for, so he smiled wider instead. A real smile, not a grimace, not Nathaniel’s grin, but something that was purely Neil Abram Josten. The relief was overwhelming.

“There you are,” Andrew muttered, almost too low for Neil to catch, then louder “Don’t look at me like that.” But he didn’t break eye contact.

“ My name is Neil Abram Josten,” Neil said softly, daring him to look away. He didn’t. “Number 10, starting striker for the Palmetto State Foxes. I am here with Andrew Minyard, number 3, best goalie in NCAA Exy. I do not want to run. I will stay as long as he will let me.” The vulnerability left Neil breathless, but Andrew had just taken him apart with his mouth and let Neil put himself back together, this time with all his pieces in the right places. Neil was wide open, unbroken boy suddenly breakable, but he felt no fear. For all that Andrew was good at breaking things, Neil knew he would never, ever be one of them.

“Shut the fuck up!” Andrew hissed, sounding almost outraged. “I hate you.” Andrew couldn’t even look at him, Neil’s grin felt like it was going to split open, yanking on his scars. “Fucking junkie.” Andrew extinguished the cigerette and stood up. Neil lay where he’d fallen, content to look at the purplish clouds framing Andrew’s face, relief a sweet stab through his chest. 

“Kevin,” He said, remembering. Mind finally clear of the static that had filled him all day, and the stupidity from his orgasm. “Allison. I have to apologize.”

Andrew dug the toe of his combat boot into Neil’s side. “Sounds like a personal problem.” he looked down at him contemptuously for another moment before vanishing from his sight. The slammed door confirming his exit. 

Neil lay still for a few more minutes before shoving himself to his feet and following Andrew back into the dorm.  
\--

Neil knocked. He knew the girls probably wouldn’t mind if he just walked in, but he would rather err on the side of respecting boundaries. Matt opened the door and smiled. A breath that Neil hadn’t realized he had been holding released around his chest. “Are you here to pregame?” Matt asked hopefully, stepping back to usher Neil inside.

Neil wasn’t. Even though he drank sometimes now, it was still pretty rare and never without Andrew. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust the others, it was just that he trusted Andrew more. “Not tonight. Is Nicky here? And Aaron? I want to talk to everyone.”

“Sure,” Matt said easily as they turned the corner to the livingroom. It looked like a Bed Bath & Beyond had exploded. Pillows were thrown in inviting piles on the floor and blankets had been suspended over the mess with furniture, spare exy racquets and the odd coatrack. Erik and Katelyn were talking happily to each other while Aaron looked on in bemusement in one corner. Nicky and Allison lounged in the middle of the mock pavilion like queens while Renee tossed grapes delicately at them. Neil could hear Dan singing off key over the distinctive sound of ice in a cocktail shaker.

“Hey Neil,” Allison said nuetrally, pulling herself into a seated position. Behind him, the shaka-shaka of ice mixing with alcohol mixing with juice, stopped. Nicky, wearing Allison’s pink silk duster and red heart sunglasses, slurped loudly on the dregs of his drink. Renee ate a grape and offered one to Neil. 

Neil toed the carpet before looking at Allison, grape rapidly warming in his palm. “I was cruel, before. I don’t want to be cruel anymore. Especially not to you.” It wasn’t an apology. Everyone in this room knew how empty most apologies were. It was an explanation, and a promise to be better.

Allison grinned at him, Nicky raised his glass in a toast, and Renee winked at him. “For you.” Dan said, shoving a colorful drink into his hands.

Neil stared at it in bemusement. “I’m not-”

Dan rolled her eyes. “It’s virgin, Neil. Drink up.” It tasted cool and fruity and not too sweet. 

“But is Neil a virgin?” Nicky mock whispered to Allison. “Hey, Neil,” Nicky started, waggling his eyebrows. “Ouch! Damn Renee!” Another grape hit him in the face with suspicious accuracy. 

“There was something you wanted to talk to us about?” Renee asked gently, looking far too innocent as she munched on grapes. Neil was quietly grateful. 

“Kevin is fragile. His relationship with Riko- well. It would be best not to bring it up. Celebrate silently, I will be.” Neil had expected to feel contempt for Kevins misplaced grief, but he too, mourned someone who had hurt him. 

Allison opened her mouth to say something, likely a protest, but Renee’s small hand on her arm silenced her. “This party is to celebrate our victory, no one would be so uncouth as to bring up death.” Renee spoke it as a decree, willing it to be the truth. Neil stifled a snort. There was no love lost for Riko amongst the Foxes, aside from Kevin, and they weren’t known for their tactfullness. If Neil decided to drink tonight, it would be to the sound Riko made when Andrew shattered his arm. Allison likely had a few toasts of her own tucked up her designer sleeves, maybe he would find her later and they could exchange. 

“Did you want to drive over with us? There’s room in the back of my truck.” Matt offered. 

“Nah, I have to shower, thanks though.” Neil was suddenly reminded why he had to shower. His skin felt sensitive and tacky from Andrew's spit and traces of his own semen against his clothes. 

Thankfully, Aaron chose that moment to open his mouth before anyone noticed Neil’s preoccupation. “Andrew just texted. Nicky, if you want to ride with him its time to go.” Aaron’s lips twitched in distaste of being used as a messenger boy and Neil smirked. Aaron glared as he caught the twist in Neil’s lips. “He also said he doesn’t care what you do, Josten.” If Aaron meant that to be cutting, well, it showed a fundamental lack of understanding in the way his brother’s mind worked and it wasn’t Neil’s job to enlighten him. By telling Aaron to tell Neil that he didn’t care what he did, he was telling Neil that he trusted him not to run away. Trusted him to return to Andrew’s side when he was ready. Neil grinned in Aaron’s face. “Fucking freak,” Aaron muttered as Neil sauntered by him, waving goodbye at the rest of his team mates. As he left he heard Nicky ask Matt if he and Erik could ride with them because there wasn’t enough room in the Maserati.

By the time Neil got out of the shower and changed into the outfit Andrew had laid out for him, Keven was red-eyed but stoic, sipping coffee at the counter. Andrew was in his beanbag chair, reading a book. He hadn’t acknowledged Neil’s arrival, but his eyes were hot as he ran them over Neil’s legs, encased in the tight jeans he had picked for him. Neil’s shirt was long sleeved, but it was striped through with mesh, flashing skin and scars as he moved. Neil reacted, a visceral shiver he didn’t bother suppressing, Andrew’s looked tinged with satisfaction.

Neil leaned on the counter next to Kevin, but he didn’t meet his eyes, not yet. “You saved my life,” he said, “if it weren’t for you coming to Millport, if you hadn’t trained me, if we hadn’t won, I would have been long dead, and I would have died a lie. I owe my future to you, and I will never forget that. I can’t pretend that I’m not glad Riko’s dead, but I also can’t judge you for grieving. I just want you to know that your team has your back.” Comfort was not something Neil was accustomed to, he was sure Renee, Matt or Dan could have done a better job - hell, any of them could. Neil’s only experiences of comfort came from his mother, and they were limited to bottles of vodka forced down his throat or tossed on wounds, whispered reassurances that he was fine, fine, fine and hard hands shoving him infront of her so he could run. But he was getting better at honesty, and flaying himself open for his family was such a small price to pay for their acceptance and trust. 

Kevin stared at him. He looked shattered, but then his eyes began to harden and grow fierce and Neil felt an answering grin tug on his scars. “I was never number two,” Kevin said, and then “I’m glad its you I’ll be making Court with.”

“Neither of you will make Court if I kill you first.” Andrew observed blandly. Neil and Kevin swivelled their heads to look at him, keys dangling from his hand. Andrew yawned pointedly and vanished out the door. 

“He wouldn’t leave you here.” Kevin said uncertainly, but Neil knew better, and chased Andrew out of the dorm.  
\--

The inner court was bright and loud when they arrived. Orange and white streamers were strewn haphazardly round the floor and had been taped to the walls and ceilings at seemingly random intervals, Nicky’s doing, Neil assumed. A table had been set up at the corner, laden with alcohol, soda and pizza. Nicky and Allison bickered over an Ipod that pumped obscene music loudly enough to make Neil’s teeth buzz. 

Andrew took one long look at the mess of streamers, team mates and loved ones and marched purposefully towards the refreshment table, where Wymack held court. Neil was drawn to the center of the court, where Dan held the championship trophy, staring at it in drunken disbelief. She looked up at him dazedly as he approached. “We did it,” she said. “You said we would, and we did. If you had told me this would happen even last year…” She shook her head and stroked the newest engraving. As captain, her name would be immortalized there forever, tying her forever to the Foxes.

“Get used to it,” Neil advised her, feeling unexpectedly proud of her. “We’ll be right back here next year.” Dan pulled him into one of her fierce, hard hugs. 

An hour passed quickly as Neil drifted from team mate to team mate. He officially met Erik, who was courteous enough to pretend he hadn’t seen him since the game. He grinned his fathers grin while Allison whispered viciously in his ear before she took a shot. He drank two fingers of whiskey when Andrew offered them, and then accepted the soda that Renee brought him. Nicky and the girls pulled him away from talking strategy for next year with Kevin to dance with them for a few songs. He didn’t think he was very good at it, but they all cheered him on and the beat was easy enough to move to. 

By the time Wymack cut the power to the gym and threatened them all (including Erik and Katelyn) with marathons if they didn’t get their drunk asses our of his sight, Neil’s mouth hurt from smiling so hard. As he fell on his bed, still breathless from his team mates joy, he knew exactly who he was - Neil Abram Josten, number 10, starting striker of the Palmetto State Foxes, reigning champions of NCAA Class I Exy - and he never, ever, wanted to run.


	3. Chapter 3

Monday started finals week, which hit Neil like a truck filled with other, heavier trucks. He had known they were coming in a vague, unfocused way, but in the lead up to the Ravens game, he had dismissed them as unimportant. But his grades were already hovering somewhere around awful, and no number of Championships could save him from being benched because of academic probation. 

“You’re an idiot.” Said Andrew unhelpfully, before locking Neil in the bedroom with his books. By some stroke of luck, all of Neil’s finals were on Thursday and Friday, so his plan was to spend that time studying - when he wasn’t stealing cigarettes and kisses with Andrew, or practicing with Kevin, or soaking in these last few hours with the Foxes before they split off for a few weeks before pre-season started in June. 

Neil had expected to fit a few hours in to review each day, but on Monday, when Matt had texted to see if he wanted to go to lunch, Andrew had taken one glance at the message and chucked the phone across the room. “You fail, you die.” was his only explanation. It was an oversimplification, and Neil rolled his eyes, but Andrew was right. If Neil failed his classes, he wouldn’t be able to play and he wouldn’t get signed and Ichirou would kill him. Luckily, Neil had always been good at math, and he already spoke Italian and Spanish, so studying was easy. 

Matt showed up anyway, with a bag full of thai food, a backpack full of textbooks and an easy smile that didn’t waver in the face of Andrew’s murderous glare. Neil supposed Andrew could make Matt leave, but he had said his piece and trusted Neil to know what he needed to do in order to pass his classes. Andrew ignored him completely as they unpacked cartons and settled in to quiz each other between bites of noodles and curry. Andrew read a book -for pleasure- from his place on top of Kevin’s desk by the window, not needing to study with his eidetic memory. 

In between Italian verb conjugations and quizzing Matt on Geology, Neil spooned chicken curry over rice and sliced pad thai into little pieces. Andrew stared at him blankly when he placed the plate and a fork in front of him. “I didn’t ask for this,” he said, poking at a piece of chicken with one finger, not even bothering to pick up his fork. 

“And I didn’t ask for your shitty attitude, yet here we are.” Neil turned around before Andrew could react, which felt like a win. “ Matt, who came up with the idea of- what that fuck is Uniformitarianism?”

“Um, James Hutton.” Matt said, shooting glances between Andrew and Neil, but he didn’t comment, for which Neil was grateful. Ten minutes later, a yellow-stained napkin nailed Neil in the side of the face. He blinked over at Andrew, but he was already retreating out the door with his cigarettes. 

“Asshole,” Neil groused when he saw the mess Andrew had left for him, but at least the goalkeeper had eaten. Matt left a little while later and Neil busied himself with dishes for a while before starting in on his math.

\---

The next few days passed quickly and similarly and before Neil knew it, he was walking out of his last final l with the satisfying knowledge that he had, at the very least, passed all of his classes. He definitely wouldn’t make the Dean’s List, but if he could avoid flunking out of school after the year he had had, he was cautiously hopeful for the rest of his academic career. 

The tower was a scene of utter chaos, cars and trucks were parked as close to the doors as they could get, regardless of parking spaces. Neil recognized Matt’s truck in the mix, packed near to bursting, and hurried his pace to make sure he hadn’t missed the departure of any of his team mates. Even though they were all going to be back in the same dorms in five weeks, the thought of the Foxes scattering almost made Neil heave. It was an unpleasant reminder of what was coming next year. 

The girls room door was wide open, spilling inviting smells, banter and laughter out into the hallways. Neil stuck his head in the dorm, unable to resist, and blinked stupidly. The whole team was there, surrounding a new folding table in the otherwise stripped living room. 

“Finally!” Allison complained when she spotted him as she breezed through the room with a large bowl of mac and cheese. “Thank god you aren’t a Freshman anymore, it was greatly inhibiting my ability to be your friend.”

Neil’s eyes found Andrew, who leaned stoically against the far wall, idly watching Nicky and Aaron bicker about something, probably a video game. They locked eyes and the world slid to a stop the way it so often did around Andrew. Neil still didn’t understand how an empty look could be so centering, but he was beyond questioning it. 

“Oi!” Snapping fingers broke Neil’s vision and he turned to look at Dan, who was frowning at him in confusion, Matt lurked right behind her, biting his lip like he was trying not to laugh. 

“What?” Neil asked, feeling everyone’s eyes on him. “Is there something on my face?” He kept his voice bland, even though he knew he was missing something. It was easier to deflect than admit that he had no idea why everyone was looking at him.

“That has to count,” Allison said, to no one in particular. Neil frowned, utterly lost. He tried to look at Andrew, to see if he knew what was going on, but he was busy glaring around at the team.

It was Renee who saved him, he’d have to send her a fruit basket or something if she kept it up. “It’s a team dinner, Neil, we thought we would take an hour or two together to round out the year before we leave for the summer.”

“Oh,” Neil said, immediately forgetting his discomfort. “Thank you,” Neil’s eyes caught Andrew’s again, so he knew those last words were for him. This dinner would not be happening without him, and Neil wanted Andrew to know that he knew it. Andrew stared back impassively. 

“You have got to stop doing that!” Nicky said, sounding strained, smile in his eyes but his hand firmly covered his mouth. He was probably trying to stop himself from saying something, but Neil couldn’t figure out what.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Neil said honestly, starting to feel a bit awkward. 

“We know, buddy.” Matt said, sounding like he was trying to figure out if he was sad or trying not to laugh. Either way, he patted Neil affectionately on the shoulder. 

“Foods ready!” Dan called, before the moment became even more bewildering than it already was. 

As a distraction, it was a good one; the Foxes fell on the feast like rabid animals, talking and laughing at slapping at each other when someone got a bit too handsy with the mashed potatoes. Neil, sitting between Andrew and Kevin, was content to let it all wash over him. For the first time he wished he had a smartphone as he watched Allison videoing the chaos with spiteful commentary for her millions of followers on whichever social media platform she was using these days. Neil wasn’t on social media of course, but be wouldn’t mind having a collection of photos and videos to help him remember times like these. 

Neil and Andrew were excused from cleaning duty because Nicky and Erik needed a ride to the airport for their red-eye to Germany. Neil, full of food and friends, actually spent most of the drive twisted around in the passenger seat to talk to Nicky and Erik, who had planned a few days in Paris on their way to Stuttgart. Neil and his mom had lived in Paris for a handful of months a few years ago and Nicky was anxious to hear about all the best restaurants and places for “romantic rendezvous”. Neil couldn’t help much with either request, but Neil was an instigator at heart and mentioned that one day he’d like to visit a few rooftops in Paris, just to see Andrew’s hands tighten on the wheel. Ever since Baltimore had ripped out all of his lies, Neil found that he enjoyed sharing pieces of his past with them, heavily edited, of course. There was no need to send Nicky on the plane in tears.

In front of security, Neil hugged Nicky and shook Erik’s hand warmly in farewell. Andrew, blank faced and several steps behind, waited until Nicky hesitantly approached him. It was clear Nicky wanted to hug him, but he knew better than to even ask, so he wrapped his arms around his own middle. “Well, bye!” Nicky said with forced cheer, “See you losers in a few weeks!”

He was already walking away when Andrew opened his mouth. “Be safe.” Nicky froze, slowly turning around to stare at his cousin, but Andrew had already turned his back. “Oh my god!” Nicky mouthed at Neil, hand fluttering by his face until Erik took it is his, linking their fingers together tightly. Neil grinned at them.

“I will leave you here, junkie!” Andrew called, still not turning around. Neil rolled his eyes and tossed a final wave over his shoulder as he jogged after Andrew.

“Coming, dear.” He quipped under his breath, too low for Andrew to hear. They left the airport in companionable silence, sliding into the Maserati and the warm darkness of the highway and away from the garish lights of the airport. It's over now. Neil realized as they drove in silence. Things will never be the same. Nicky was the first to go, but Aaron would be gone by the time he and Andrew got back to the Tower and the upperclassmen would be gone in the morning. Everyone would be back, yes, but so would six freshmen and the word “Foxes” could no longer be a substitution for “family”. Neil didn’t much like that thought.

“Staring,” Andrew said. Neil frowned in confusion because for once, he wasn’t. He had been gazing out the window, counting the lane demarcations as high as he could in Spanish. He turned his frown on Andrew, who rolled his eyes. “Before dinner. You were staring.” 

Ah. The answer to a question Neil had forgotten to ask. Andrew never forgot. “I don’t get it.” Neil said slowly. “Why do they care?” The fascination that the rest of the team held for Andrew and Neil baffled him. He didn’t understand it, had never really wondered what went on between them behind closed doors. They would tell him if they wanted him to know. 

“I do not waste my time trying to understand idiots.” Andrew said, biting off the end of his sentence. 

Neil took a few moments to examine Andrew’s hands, flexing and strong on the leather-wrapped wheel as he zoomed around and between other vehicles. “Do you want me to stop? Looking, I mean.”

Andrew’s expressionless eyes slid to Neil’s for a handful of seconds. The car crept dangerously up on an SUV, before swerving around it moments before disaster. Neil did not look away as horns screamed behind them. He didn’t know how he would stop staring, it was rarely on purpose, so natural he usually didn’t even notice until it was over, but if it made Andrew uncomfortable, he’d figure it out. “I do not care what you do.” Andrew informed him.

Warmth hummed through Neil. “You like it when I look at you,” he translated, thoroughly distracted from his previous angst about the Foxes.

“I don’t like a thing about you.” Andrew corrected, eyes solidly back on the road. He sounded bored of the conversation, now that he had accomplished his goal. 

“Sure,” Neil agreed easily, content to let the conversation die. He settled back in his seat with a yawn. The rest of the drive passed in a sleepy haze. 

Neil skipped his run the next morning in favor of following Matt and the girls around like a kicked puppy. He wandered in and out of their dorms ferrying their belongings to Matt's truck and a couple in the back of Allison’s convertible. Irrationally, Neil wanted to unpack each box as it was handed to him, but he ensured they all ended up where they were supposed to be. He tried to smile as they all talked excitedly over each other about their plans. 

And then. A series of hair ruffles. Fierce, perfumed hugs. And Neil stood alone outside of the Tower, staring blankly at an empty parking lot. Somewhere on the highway, Matt’s truck and the bubblegum pink convertible were passing each other both heading the same direction. Dan and Matt would go to bed in New York after dinner with Randy, Renee would say her prayers in the house that built her, under a vast Dakota sky, Allison would sip champagne in first class somewhere over the atlantic on her way to the South of France. Neil sat down on the steps and tried to breathe around the lump in his throat. It was funny how hard it was, what with the empty space where his lungs should be.

The Maserati purred, coming to a stop directly in front of Neil. How many times could Neil expect Andrew to stitch him back together this week? It was an awful lot to expect from someone who could not - would not be his answer. Neil thought he’d just dissolve when Andrew inevitably tired of this. Heavy boots entered Neil’s sightline, stomping the crack in the sidewalk he had been staring at. The boots stopped, kicked Neil’s sneakers. Neil looked up. “Get your shit Josten.”

Neil hadn’t even started packing. He wasn’t worried about it, it never took him longer than twenty minutes, and even that would get him slapped. An hour later, Neil was pacing with frustration and anxiety. His duffel was packed to the point of bursting at the seams, and yet he still had piles of shit on his bed. Where had it all come from? What was he going to do with it?

Andrew looked up from his book when Neil stalked into the kitchen for one of the large black trash cans Kevin had stolen from the maintenance closet. Andrew hopped to his feet, book still clenched between his fingers to follow Neil back into the bedroom, almost stepping on his heels he was so close. For a moment, Neil’s thoughts caught on trash bags and Andrew’s fingers, and Andrew’s mouth, but now was not the time. Andrew took one look at the mess on the bed, the trash bag in Neil’s hand and the straining duffel and rolled his eyes. “Too many issues.”

Neil ignored him, shoving everything on the bed into the trash bag. The school had moved a dumpster to the side of the dorm to help the students move out, he could toss it when he left. Abby had offered her spare room to Neil for the weeks until the dorms reopened and Andrew had dropped Kevin at Wymack’s an hour ago. 

“Will you stay?” Neil asked, finally looking at Andrew. Down the hall, Neil could hear the maintenance people shuffling in and out of the abandoned rooms. They were supposed to have been gone hours ago.

Andrew eyed him. “You are asking if I want to spend the five weeks a year I don’t have to spend with exy-obsessed idiots watching exy-obsessed idiots chase a stupid ball all day and sleep on a twin sized bed at Abby’s house when I could go to my own house and not have to deal with exy or idiots.”

This was what everyone got wrong about Andrew. Anyone else would have taken Andrew’s response as a no but Andrew never talked around that word. It was too important to him. “Yes.” Neil confirmed. “I want you to decide to spend your five exy-free weeks playing exy with me.”

Andrew’s eyes narrowed in hatred and he turned on his heel and left the room, pausing only long enough to snag Neil’s duffel before marching out of the dorm. Neil lugged the heavy trash bag over his shoulder and followed him. 

Outside, Neil paused to look between the dumpster and the open trunk of the maserati. Andrew stood next to the car, calmly waiting for Neil to decide whether or not he would break his mom’s one-bag rule. What was one more broken promise to a dead woman?

Neil shrugged and dumped the bag into the trunk. Andew shut it with one hand. “Guess I’ll need to buy a suitcase,” Neil muttered as he slid into the passenger seat. 

“What will you give me?” Andrew said, when they were parked outside of Abby’s house. “To enable your filthy little habit.”

Neil ignored the irony Andrew saying those words around a cigarette. “Anything.” He promised immediately, excitement racing through him at the thought of five blissful weeks of days on the court with Kevin and nights in alone in a room with Andrew. 

“Not only a junkie, but a stupid one at that.” Andrew mused, but his eyes were heavy on Neil’s lips.

“Yes,” Neil breathed, “Yes, yes, ye-” Andrew shut him up.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil opens his mouth and doesn't say a word.

Summer in South Carolina was hot. It was hot in the way that pea soup was hot, damp and sticky and thick, not the bracing dehydration of the western deserts Neil was more used to. it was the kind of heat that made Neil, Andrew and Kevin become nocturnal, sleeping through the hottest hours of the afternoon and flying around the Court at night. After practice, Neil would watch Andrew watch Kevin drink. Even at night, it was too hot to share one of the twin mattresses in Abby's spare room, so Andrew would press Neil's heated back into the hard wood floor. Sometimes, they fell asleep there, after.

In the early evenings, Neil would bring Andrew ice cream and they would sit on the porch, smoking and teaching each other. The first week of the break, Andrew had woken Neil by chucking a textbook onto his pillow, an inch from his face. Neil read the words "Introduction to Russian" several times before blinking at Andrew, wondering if sleep had made him stupid or if he was missing something. "You want me to learn Russian?"

"I want us to learn Russian," Andrew said, sounding, as he often did, like Neil was a little _slow_.

And - _oh_. Neil was not prepared for this. He knew his eyes were owlishly wide, fixed on Andrew's mouth. "Or not." Andrew muttered, reaching to take the textbook back. 

Neil slammed his hand on the book and yanked it to his chest, glaring at Andrew furiously. It was Andrew's turn to blink, hand still held between them, frozen. Neil reached out one hand slowly, to wind his fingers with Andrew's. "I want to learn Russian." He confirmed, gently tugging Andrew closer so he could kiss his calloused knuckles, sure to telegraph his movements. "With you." Andrew exhaled harshly, but his other hand gently carded through Neil's hair. 

So over the last four weeks Andrew and Neil had begun to learn. They were already able to form basic sentences and had jumped around vocabulary lists a lot, focusing on the words and phrases they thought they'd use the most. Both learned quickly, Neil from long practice and Andrew with his eidetic memory.

Neil closed his book when Andrew slumped onto the porch step next to him. It was night time, almost time for practice, but Andrew made no move towards the car. Neil was content to listen to the crickets for a while, absently fingering the unlit cigarette Andrew handed to him. "We are going to Columbia tomorrow." Andrew said, finally speaking. 

"Yes." Neil said immediately. In a week he would have to pick the Freshmen up from the airport and the week after that the others would return to campus and his time alone with Andrew would significantly decrease. A week alone with Andrew sounded blissfully peaceful, exactly what he needed to center himself for the coming year. 

Kevin was characteristically cranky when they showed up late to pick him up. He spent all practice harping about form and demanding that Andrew get into the goal, which Andrew ignored so completely that even Neil was impressed. Only an hour later, Andrew retreated to the locker room without a word. Neil pulled off his helmet and followed. 

"Where are you going?" Kevin demanded, pulling Neil to a stop. "We aren't done!"

"Keep whining and you'll walk home." Neil warned, pointedly removing his arm from Kevin's grip and ignoring his undignified squawk. 

Andrew was waiting in the car, radio loud enough to discourage conversation until they dropped Kevin, still fuming from the early end of practice and his relegation to the back seat, off outside of Wymack's building. Interestingly, it looked like there were more cars parked outside than usual. Perhaps demand for the apartments, vacant until then, had soared in the wake of a championship season. 

"We'll meet earlier tomorrow." Kevin decided as he got out of the car. Neil opened his mouth to tell Kevin they wouldn't be meeting at all for the next few days, remembered the other mans rudeness all evening, and said nothing. Kevin would figure it out soon enough. 

Andrew barely waited until Kevin slammed the door before speeding away.

They didn't go back to Abby's. Instead, Andrew turned onto the onramp to the I-20, heading South toward Columbia. Neil snorted, but settled deeper into the leather seats, the week ahead of them seeming to stretch on forever. "Kevin's going to kill you."

"He doesn't have the balls to try." Andrew's reply was wry, utterly unbothered by Kevin's inevitable conniption when he discovered their absence. 

"Does it break your deal if you give him the heart attack that kills him?" Neil wondered. Andrew ignored him. "I don't even have my bag," Neil realized. For a moment he was shaken by how far he'd come in the last year, when he couldn't use the bathroom without locking his duffel in the safe of taking it with him. 

"Of course not," Andrew said, "All your clothes are terrible. You're getting new ones." 

Neil rolled his eyes and thought about arguing, but Andrew would buy him clothes regardless of what Neil said, and shopping with Andrew would undoubtedly be better than being dragged off by Nicky or Allison. If the two of them ever realized how much they had in common and became friends, Neil was doomed. 

Neil was blinking with exhaustion by the time they parked on the gravel driveway in front of the house. _Home_ , the word ached through Neil's blood. Here, he had a key. Here, he was always welcome. Here, where he kept a handful of clothes in Andrew's bureau. "Coffee?" he offered with a yawn as they entered the silent, dark house. He wouldn't mind staying up with Andrew, but he felt no particular aversion to sleep either. He glanced at the glowing numbers on the stove, it was already past midnight. 

"Sleep," Andrew replied, voice husky as he disappeared down the hallway to his bedroom. Neil paused, eyeing the couch. He had become accustomed to sleeping in the same room as Andrew, which made him feels safer even than sleeping within his mother's iron-bound grip had. But sharing a dorm or guest room with multiple beds was a far cry from sharing the first bed to be inarguably _Andrew's_. Neil sighed and raided the linen closet for a blanket, resigned to a cramped night on the couch. 

"I said come to bed, Neil." Andrew said from the doorway, eyes heavy, each word enunciated distinctly. 

Neil stood up slowly, hands pausing as he arranged the couch cushions so he could sleep comfortably. "You said 'sleep'." He pointed out, narrowing his eyes at Andrew.

"And I meant it," was all Andrew said. _It doesn't matter what I think he's saying_ , Neil reminded himself. _Until he_ tells _me he wants me in his bed, it's a no._

Neil smiled a self-deprecating smile. "Spell it out, Andrew. I'm stupid, remember?" Andrew glared at him for a long moment, likely asking himself if Neil was worth it. 

"Come to my bed, Neil." Andrew forced the words through his gritted teeth. "Yes or no?" His back was rod-straight, so Neil ignored the flutter-and-tug in his stomach at Andrew's words. He didn't need to be told what a step this was for Andrew. 

"Okay." Neil agreed simply, dropping the sheet he held onto the couch. He would clean the mess tomorrow, if he didn't need to use them in the middle of the night. He might, if this step proved to be a bit too big for either of them. Sleep was often messy for Neil too.

When Neil emerged from the bathroom twenty minutes later, freshly showered and in a new pair of sweats and a Foxes t-shirt he had found thrown over a chair in the kitchen, Andrew was already in bed, back pressed against the wall, so swaddled in the comforter that Neil could only see a lick of pale hair and watchful golden eyes that tracked him as he approached the bed. Neil paused, one foot shucking up his sweats to scratch an itch on his other leg. "Yes?" he confirmed, noting Andrew's defensive position. Andrew usually slept with his armbands loaded and within easy reach, but with bare arms. Tonight the knives were strewn across the dresser, the bands likely empty and covering Andrew's forearms. Neil was grateful for the gesture, unsure if he'd be able to sleep so close to blades. He usually didn't mind the knives Andrew wore, they often comforted him. It was baffling to realize just how sure he was that they would only ever be drawn in his defense, never, ever, against him. But Andrew had only ever had to defend himself against men in his bed, and Neil wouldn't blame him for stabbing first and remembering later. 

"Yes, Rabbit." Andrew said shortly, but he relaxed and rolled towards towards Neil as he slid into bed, pushing himself up on his elbow to look down on him. Slowly, eyes looking for any indication of rejection or flinch, Andrew bent down and pressed a firm, chaste kiss against Neil's mouth. Neil gripped his pillow and sighed when Andrew leaned back. "If you touch me, I will hurt you." It sounded like a threat, but Neil knew that it wasn't. Neil heard _I won't be able to stop myself._ and _I don't_ want _to hurt you,_ and _this is hard for me, lay still._ Neil nodded and held Andrew's eyes. 

"My mother told me I always scream before I thrash." Neil traded vulnerability for dark promise. Andrew nodded and stroked Neil's scars, memorizing just who was in his bed before he reached over Neil and clicked off the lamp. 

\---

Neil didn't wake up screaming, so he didn't get punched. Instead, he woke naturally as gray dawn filtered into the room. For the first time in a while, he felt good upon awakening. His muscles were loose and strong, singing for a run, he head didn't ache from lack of sleep[ and his throat wasn't sore from screaming. And Andrew - Andrew's pinky was resting on top of his. All of Neils nerves suddenly seemed focused on that one centimeter of overlap. He wished he could capture this moment, store it in his chest to re-examine it at will. But his bladder was full and aching. As soon as he moved, Neil knew Andrew would wake up and when he did, Neil had to be ready for violence. Neil bit his lip and considered his options.

The moment his hand twitched, Andrew's eyes snapped open, fixing him with a deadly glare. Neil threw himself backwards off the bed, landing awkwardly on his knees and pulling the blanket away from Andrew as it caught on Neil's flailing limbs. 

"What the fuck." Andrew said tonelessly, staring down at Neil in exasperation. His blond hair was sticking up and out in several cowlicks and Neil flexed his fingers when they wanted to _touch_. 

"Run," Neil managed. "I'm going on a run. You can go back to sleep. Unless you want to come with me."

"Don't tell me what I can do. Also. Fuck no." Andrew yanked the blanket back, upsetting Neil's balance as he rolled back out of view. 

Neil grinned and hoisted himself up grabbing a pair of basketball shorts on his way to the bathroom. "You couldn't keep up anyway," he called over his shoulder on the way out of the room. Andrew didn't bother replying, choosing instead to pretend to be asleep. After all, Andrew wasn't a liar. 

Neil inhaled deeply as he stretched on the porch. The sky was gray, but the birds were singing and the cicadas sawed loudly. The air was still pleasantly cool from the night, but it was heavy with the coming heat. By the time Neil returned to the house, the sun had burned through the clouds and Neil was dripping sweat. He was weighed down by the donuts for Andrew and the egg and spinach wrap for himself and the two coffees, one balanced precariously on top of the other. Andrew was glaring at the empty cupboards in the kitchen when Neil entered the house. He dumped the food on the counter and chugged a glass of water as Andrew wrinkled his nose in disgust. "You stink." Andrew accused, latching on to his coffee, humming when he discovered it was toxically sweet. Neil rolled his eyes, secretly pleased by Andrew's enthusiasm, and went off to shower. 

"Unless you want me to walk around naked for the next week, we have to go shopping today." Neil announced when he walked back into the living room twenty minutes later, fresh and clean and wearing one of Andrew's shirts and mismatched socks. Andrew tilted his head to the side and ran his eyes over Neil speculatively, lingering on Andrew's shirt. Neil snorted and looked away, groin beginning to tighten. He hadn't meant it to be sexual, but. He still wasn't entirely comfortable with how easily Andrew was able to awaken his libido, which seemed to lie dormant whenever Andrew wasn't stoking it. Andrew turned off the TV he wasn't watching and grabbed his keys. 

Neil had been right, shopping with Andrew wasn't terrible. For one thing, Neil didn't have to try anything on. Neil flushed when he realized that Andrew was able to pick out his clothes because he had memorized exactly how many inches Neil was across his shoulders, hips and even his inseam. The gleam in Andrew's eyes as he exercised this knowledge did not help Neil untie his tongue. 

Neil was squirming by the time they got back into the Maserati, bags full of clothes that Andrew wanted to watch Neil wear piled in the backseat. Neil bit his lip as he watched Andrew's strong, wide hand curve around the wheel and gearshift with masterful ease. "What is wrong with you?" Andrew slanted a look at Neil and froze for half a second, reading Neil as easily as he always did. The Maserati roared beneath them as Andrew accelerated, eyes darkening. His fingers clenched around the wheel, right hand sliding around the gearshift in a provocative glide. "Hmm. I see," Andrew murmured, and Neil began to pant as the speedometer crept higher and higher as Andrew whipped around any car that didn't get out of his way. 

Neil was twitching by the time they slid to a stop outside of the house. He rubbed his thighs against each other and met Andrew's heady gaze. "What do you want, Neil?" Andrew asked, voice raspy and low, thrumming through Neil's blood. 

"I want to blow you." The words were out before Neil could stop them. He bit his lip and tried to gauge Andrew's reaction. Their sex life had ratcheted up over the last few months but it was nearly entirely one-sided, all about the myriad of ways Andrew could make Neil fall apart. Neil hadn't so much as touched Andrew's dick yet, had only seen glimpses of it when Andrew got himself off while Neil laid there gasping, and now he was asking to put his mouth on him? "Sorry!" Neil gasped, whirling to exit the car and give Andrew space. 

"Stop. Look at me." Andrew's hiss froze Neil, hand still on the door handle, one foot on the gravel. Neil reluctantly turned to look at Andrew. 

"We don't have to," Neil babbled. "Of course we don't have to do anything! I didn't mean- I shouldn't have-" Andrew silenced him by gripping his jaw between his fingers and thumb.

"You get to ask for what you want, Junkie." Andrew reminded him, tilting Neils face this way and that to examine him. Neil couldn't breathe, his thighs were twitching, the points of contact between their skin _burned_. "Can you follow instructions?" Andrew's voice was as hollow as ever, but his eyes were intent and focused, pinning Neil in place. 

Neil nodded jerkily. "Yes," _of course_ he wanted to add, but he knew better. 

Andrew shifted his hand, pressing two fingers against Neil's lips, eyes growing heavy. "Show me," he rasped, waiting to see if Neil would open for him. Desire gripped behind Neil's navel and _wrenched_ , pulling a broken sound from him as his lips parted around Andrew's thick fingers. For a moment, they sat heavy on his tongue, and Neil almost panicked, it hadn't occurred to him but he _didn't know how to do this_ and then he began to suck. He swirled his tongue around Andrew's fingers, trying to mimic the tricks Andrew used to make Neil fall apart the fastest. Neil's eyes fell closed and he hummed- Andrew, who had leaned in to grab Neil's face, shoved him away to put distance between them, wiping his fingers on Neil's shirt. "Go into the house." Neil was out of the car before Andrew had even finished speaking. Neil turned back only once before he shut the front door and watched Andrew pull out his phone, tap a few buttons and hold it to his ear. Neil didn't bet, but if he did, his money would have been safe on Dobson. 

Neil didn't know what to do with himself in the empty house as he waited for Andrew to decide. He toed his shoes off and sat on the couch, flicking the TV on and then off and then on again. He stood back up and thrust his hands through his hair as he marched into the kitchen and opened cabinets at random. He wasn't sure what he was looking for, and he didn't find it. He wanted to run, but he knew that even if his fathers remaining hench-people crashed through the doors he wouldn't be able to leave Andrew and what they might be about to try.

The front door closed with a definitive click. Neil stumbled in his hurry back to the living room, but froze four feet in front of Andrew, hands already shoved into his pockets as he eyed the other man, looking for clues to what he wanted. "Blow me." Andrew said distinctly, enunciating both words. 

Neil felt the words hit him like punches, stealing his breath and robbing his mind of all thought. His brain felt like white noise, all static and desire. Andrew waited, staring Neil down until he gathered his thoughts enough to babble consent. Andrew pulled Neil into a deep kiss, fingers fluttering with uncharacteristic gentleness across his scars. Mouths still attached, Andrew walked Neil over to the couch, and pulled him down as he sat. Neil dropped to his knees, knowing better than to loom over Andrew. 

When their lips parted, Neil sank back on his heels and bit his lip, examining the man in front of him. Neil didn't know how to make this easier for Andrew. "I- I don't know what to do." He admitted, careful to keep his hands away from Andrew's legs, even though he knelt between them, safe between Andrew's thighs. Andrew opened his mouth, and then closed it, clenching his fists in his lap. If Neil had to guess, he'd think that Andrew had bitten back a snide comment. Neil usually wasn't bothered by Andrew's cutting remarks, always able to peer beneath the surface and hear what Andrew was _actually_ telling him. But he felt vulnerable, on his knees, far outside of his comfort zone, and he was painfully grateful to Andrew for understanding. "Can I take your shirt off?" Andrew asked instead. At Neil's nod, Andrew leaned into his space and roughly tugged the shirt over Neil's head. Neil obediently lifted his arms out of the sleeves and sat back down, shivering slightly at the chill of the AC and the heat of Andrew's eyes on his bare skin. Andrew's hands followed his eyes, tracing each scar he could reach with unhesitating fingers. 

Neil quivered with want. "Drew," he murmured, digging his fingers into his thighs, fists going numb in his restrictive pockets to keep them there. "I want you in my mouth."

"Junkie," Andrew hissed, carding his fingers through Neil's hair, turning his head this way and that, looking for something. Neil met his eyes, unafraid. "Don't touch me." Andrew said flatly, releasing Neil's hair in order to unfasten his pants. Neil panted, eyes fixed on the flash of Andrew's fingers, the hint of black boxers and - Neil moaned with want. Andrew's cock was beautiful, ling and thick and circumsized, bulbous head already weeping. Neil's mouth watered, but he forced his eyes back up to Andrew's, waiting patient and docile on his knees.

Andrew's hand fisted his cock and Neil whimpered, shifting on his knees, as if that would relieve the ache that just kept growing in his pants. "Put your hands on your head." Andrew ordered, "and if it's still yes, open your mouth." Andrew's voice was rough with smoke and want and Neil couldn't breathe, his jaw dropped open in invitation and maneuvered his hands from his tight pockets to lace behind his head without so much as brushing Andrew. _Don't touch me_ he had said, and Neil would sooner chop off his own hands. 

The moment stretched between them, sweet and sticky like taffy, and then Andrew shifted, one hand sliding, soft, behind Neil's ear, thumb brushing Neil's pinky, to guide his head forward and down. Neil opened his mouth wider and welcomed the tip of Andrew's cock into his mouth. Neil swirled his tongue, intrigued by Andrew's taste, musky and salty, igniting Neil's bloodstream. Neil met Andrew's hooded eyes and leaned back just enough that Andrew's cock popped out of his mouth, "More," he demanded, and leaned back down, opening his mouth as wide as he could to take as much of Andrew as possible - and he promptly choked. 

Andrew huffed and pulled Neil's head off of his dick. "Not as easy as it looks?" He mocked gently. Neil glared, licking his lips. He should have felt embarrassed, but Andrew's fingers lightly caressed his jaw and his erection had only grown. 

"Show me." Neil said, determined to get it right, he wanted to prove to Andrew that his mouth was worth something besides starting fights. He opened his mouth again, but made no move towards Andrew's bobbing erection, simply waiting for Andrew to teach him. 

Andrew released a vaguely pleased and adjusted his grip on Neil's face. "Breathe through your nose, Keep your tongue relaxed and pull back if anything doesn't feel good. I won't hold you down."

It had never occurred to Neil that he would, but he nodded anyway and tugged his own hair with frustration. Andrew waited one more moment and pulled Neil back in. Neil went willingly, and found that relaxing his tongue opened his throat, allowing Andrew to glide in deeper.

Neil couldn't help but moan as he felt the steady slide of Andrew's musky cock, heavy on his tongue. His mouth stretched open and Neil sucked, fluttering his tongue. Andrew's fingers jerked, a small furrow appeared between his eyes, and his mouth sagged. Neil couldn't stop the hum of satisfaction he felt having elicited such a reaction from his normally blank lover with just his mouth. It was enough to get high off of. Or maybe that was just the lack of oxygen. Before Neil could decide, Andrew withdrew, pausing just long enough for Neil to inhale before he pushed back in. 

Neil lost himself in the rhythm. Inhale, open and suck, hold for one... two... three heart beats, exhale as Andrew pulled out, repeat. Neil's jaw ached, his fingers went numb, tangled in his hair, and his cock ached and pulsed in his sweats. Neil never wanted it to end. He felt like he was caught in a haze, shrouded and protected and grounded by Andrew's attention, pulsing on Neil's tongue. 

Andrew pulled out and Neil whimpered at the loss, only Andrew's gentle tug on his hair prevented him from chasing Andrew's cock with his mouth. Neil blinked slowly at Andrew, saliva coating his chin. "Drew?" he slurred, voice sounding fucked out even to his own ears.

"Gonna come," Andrew's jaw was clenched, fist squeezing just above his balls to stave off his orgasm. "You don't want it down your throat."

 _Down your throat_. The words slid through Neil's brain like a drug, flooding his system with endorphins. If Andrew hadn't told him to keep his hands on his head, he would have gripped his cock at those words. Anything to give himself relief. 

"Want that," Neil sighed. "Drew? Do you want to? Want you to come _down my throat_." He shifted again, mindlessly moving his hips, but there was nothing to rub against. Neil bit his lip in frustration as he waited for Andrew to decide. 

It didn't take long. As soon as Neil had spoken, Andrew's fingers had twitched around Neil's face and his pupils had blown out, black consuming warm hazel. "Look at you," Andrew breathed, rubbing a lock of Neil's hair between his fingers, "so pretty, on your knees. Open your mouth, Neil."

Neil whined, mouth opening again, Andrew's praise making him feel so safe and warm and wanted, bracketed between Andrew's strong thighs. Neil was the object of his full attention, centered by his eyes and the steady grip Andrew had around his neck. Andrew slid back home, once, twice and then his cock pulsed and Neil's mouth filled with Andrew's bitter-rich come. Andrew pulled out before Neil could choke, leaking more come down his chin, a strand sliding down to his chest.

Neil blinked and swayed, all but falling backwards as his ass met his heels and he sat back. A flash of orange caught his eye. His t-shirt. Andrew held it out to him. A rush of cold on his jaw, and then Andrew's had was on his wrist, gently extracting his fingers from his hair. Neil's shoulders ached sharply, snapping him back to reality. Neil felt his stomach swoop as he looked up at Andrew, who looked disheveled despite his signature blank expression. His hair was rumpled, his lips bitten and the tips of his ears were faintly pink. Neil grinned up at him and wiped his sticky chin and chest with his shirt. 

"You look stupid," Andrew informed him, but he was unspeakably gentle as he all but lifted Neil off his aching knees and settled him on the couch, a careful distance away. 

"I liked that," Neil rasped, keeping his movements slow and minding the two feet that separated them. "I want to do it again sometime." 

Andrew examined him for a long moment, eyes narrowing on his reddened knees and bluish fingers. He stood up abruptly and disappeared into the kitchen. Before Neil could wonder what he was doing, he was back with a glass of warm water. Andrew pulled his sweatshirt off and tossed it onto Neil's bare chest and glared until he finished his drink. Then he patted his pockets for his phone and cigarettes and vanished out the front door. 

Neil wasn't offended. They both needed time to pull themselves back together and process what had just happened. It had been very intense, for Neil. So far out of his realm of experiences. He was grateful he had some time alone to soothe his throat and sink into the cigarette scented sweatshirt, still warm from Andrew's body, while he gathered his thoughts. He hadn't lied to Andrew, he wanted to do it again. But the intensity was a bit overwhelming and frightening to a man who had never so much as felt attraction for another person. 

"Okay," Neil muttered to no one, pushing himself to his feet, ignoring how he wobbled just slightly. "Everything's fine." He tossed his soiled shirt at the laundry basket on his way to the shower. After he was clean, Neil rejected his pile of new shirts and pulled Andrew's sweatshirt back on. Andrew still wasn't back, so Neil padded to the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee. While it percolated, he opened the fridge. It was still a bit early for dinner and Neil wasn't known for his cooking skills, but he needed to do something with his hands. He boiled pasta and heated a jar of tomato sauce. 

Neil debated waiting for Andrew to return before eating, but his stomach growled so he divided the food into two bowls and covered Andrew's. The other he brought to the table with a mug of coffee and flipped through his text messages while he ate. Allison and Nicky had met up in Paris for an afternoon, which they spent shopping, Neil's nightmare coming true as they described the bags of "outfits" they had gotten him. Allison pestered him to get a better phone so she could send him pictures instead of describing them " **like a fucking ludite, Neil** ". He replied to Matt's friendly commentary of his days with Dan and his mother and deleted Kevin's string of demands that he and Andrew get back on the court out of spite, even though he was already missing it. He frowned at Dan's text, asking him to lunch on Monday to discuss his new vice-captaincy before the freshmen arrived on Tuesday. He briskly replied in the affirmative before dropping the phone and suppressing his nerves at the prospect. 

Andrew returned while Neil was doing the dishes. They examined each other wordlessly, looking for any indication of lingering anxiety or discomfort. Andrew looked calm, shoulders loose and face soft despite its blankness. "There's pasta." Neil said, gesturing to the covered bowl. 

Andrew hummed and grabbed it, pausing just long enough to brush Neil's shoulders with gentle fingers as he leaned against the counter a hairsbreadth from Neil to eat. Neil could feel the firm warmth with every inhale. He felt settled and at peace in the bright kitchen. In a few minutes they would settle on the couch and turn the TV on. In a few hours they would move to Andrew's bed and maybe kiss a little bit. In a few days they'd head back to the Court, and everything would change. But right now Neil was finally _happy,_ and he would hold on to that with both hands. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil gets some things off his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its been so long and this is such a short chapter! The next update won't take so long, I promise.

Although each day stretched long with sweet, lazy boredom, the week passed quickly. Suddenly, it was Monday and Andrew and Neil cleaned the house and the fridge, shoved their bags into the back of the Maserati and hit the road early enough to miss the traffic and give Neil time to meet with Dan before he had to pick up a couple of Freshman from the airport. Andrew dropped Neil off at the court and burned a single smoke-tinged kiss to his mouth before going to pick Nicky up from the airport. 

Dan found him on the court. Although he had wanted to, Neil hadn’t had enough time to change out, let alone run any drills, but the familiar scent and sight of the Foxhole Court was still enough to send excitement singing through his veins. He couldn’t wait for practices to start in a week. “Hey, Vice-cap.” Dan said, leaning on the plexiglass by the benches and swinging Matts lanyard around her fingers, keys jingling into her fist each rotation. 

Neil turned towards her with a grin, feeling warm and light and glad to see her. He realized he had missed her, now that she was back in his sight. “How was New York?” He walked over and accepted her brief hug. 

“Hot. I’d never been there in the summer and all the trash made the streets reek in the heat, but we had a great time. You hungry?” Dan pulled a credit card out of her pocket and handed it to him. Neil looked at it stupidly. It was brand new and loudly orange. Neil ran his fingers over Wymack’s name, and then, smaller, his own. 

“What’s this?” he asked, voice tight. He knew that Dan, as captain, had her own card with access to the Foxes account, but it had never occurred to him that he’d get his own. 

Dan ruffled his hair. “Allison bet that you’d get all twitchy about this, but Matt and I think that you’ll accept it as part of your totally deserved captaincy. Who’re you gonna prove right? You gonna lose me even more money to Allison?”

“Vice-captaincy,” Neil said numbly, then, fingers still tracing his name, “I think it's cheating to tell me about the bet anyway.” This was the closest he’s ever been to having a bank account. All that money, and he wouldn’t even have to dig it out of the dirt. Wymack wasn’t stupid, he knew Neil could take the money and disappear with it, never to be seen again, so why give him access to it like this? The Foxes were probably the least trusting team in the NCAA, so why did they keep trusting him? Neil didn’t think he’d ever understand it, but he was painfully grateful. 

Dan grinned at him, all teeth. “Do as I say, not as I do. Remember? Lunch is on you.” She firmly tucked the card into Neil’s hoodie. 

They ended up at the same diner the whole team had gone to the morning after they’d returned home from Baltimore, before the days at the cabin in the mountains that reigned as some of the best in his life. Dan waited until they’d placed their orders - chicken salad on a croissant for Dan. Eggs, toast and a large order of waffles with extra whipped cream to go for Neil - before levelling Neil with a serious look, wrapping her hands around her coffee mug. “Freshman are coming this afternoon,” she reminded Neil unnecessarily. “You’ll pick up Jack Tillis and Brian Powers around four. Wymack and I will get the rest at five. We have the whole side of the floor now, so get Jack and Brian in one of the empty rooms, it doesn’t matter which, the girls will get the other one. We’ll all meet up at the court at 7 PM for meet and greets. Abby’s bringing pizza.”

Neil sipped his coffee and watched Dan, waiting for her to get to the point. He knew that she knew that he knew all of this. She wouldn’t have called him here just to rehash plans they had already confirmed, and she didn’t seem like she was gearing up to talk about exy, either. Neil was starting to get a bad feeling. “Is this what you wanted to talk about?” he asked, when she paused for breath.

Her dark cheeks flushed, but she met his gaze steadily. “The team is united, Neil, more so than ever, but we need to stay that way.”

Ah. Dan must have picked up on his trepidation about the incoming Freshman and was worried he wouldn’t be welcoming enough. Or something. She was right, he didn’t want them, but Neil knew that they were a necessary evil and he would treat them as such. “I agree, we’ll have to integrate the Freshman quickly. Maybe team building exercises? Although, I only know the ones that worked last year, and I’d rather not get almost murdered again, but-” Neil shrugged, this was out of his comfort zone. How did normal people bond?

Dan had that familiar horrified look on her face. The one that people who weren’t Andrew got sometimes when Neil opened his mouth and talked about himself, he’d gotten better at recognizing what would bring about that particular reaction, but this time he couldn’t figure it out. He’d said he  _ didn’t  _ want to get murdered, right? Dan shook her head and then let it go, whatever it was. “I can handle bonding,” she said, “Just as long as you can handle Andrew.”

Neil’s eyebrows shot up and his fingers clenched around his mug. He breathed deeply to control his visceral reaction to anyone trying to “handle” Andrew, and reminded himself that he liked Dan. He sipped his coffee until he could control his tongue before he looked up and met Dan’s eyes. She looked a bit shifty, but not nearly as uncomfortable as she should. “I don’t understand.” Neil’s voice was hard, making it very clear that he did, in fact, understand, but that he was giving her one last chance to back down. 

Dan was the only female captain of a Class I Exy team, she had dragged them, kicking and screaming to a championship. She was not known for backing down, and Neil wasn’t surprised that she didn’t now, disappointed maybe, but not surprised. Dan huffed out a frustrated breath and put her coffee down. “I wasn’t lying last winter when I said we were done, Neil. There is a line, and Andrew crossed it for the last time when he attacked Allison last year. We have all been walking on eggshells since them to finish out the season, but there will  _ not _ be any more inexcusable and unprovoked violence on this team! If you can’t get control of his violence, I will shred his contract myself.”

And, there it was. Neil remembered how he had felt when Dan had ripped into Aaron and Nicky after that day in the parking lot. He inhaled and could almost smell the nicotine in the air as he told Andrew how he would have to fight the next person who called him a monster. Neil tilted his head and regarded Dan, knowing that his father's smile was creeping across his face. Neil counted to ten in every single language he knew and when he finally ran out he was still  _ violently _ angry.

“Neil?” Dan sounded concerned and she reached out to take his hand. Neil slammed his fork into the table a millimeter from the tender flesh between two of her fingers. Dan froze with a shocked squeak, eyes widening as she withdrew her hand and hid it in her lap. They all seemed to forget, so quickly, who Neil had been before, as if he hadn’t chosen to soften for them. 

“Fuck you, Dan.” He began, and noticed her start slightly at the frigidity in his voice. It was the first time he had used it on her, after all. “First of all, I am not in control of Andrew, and he is not an animal or a  _ monster _ , he is a person, and a member of your team. If you have something to say to him, I suggest you say it to his face. I do not want to have to remind  _ anyone _ of this again. Do you understand?” 

Dan opened her mouth to say something. “Shut up. I am not finished.” He snapped before she could speak. He paused long enough to sip his coffee, testing his own patience and temper. 

“Secondly,” he continued. “Let's discuss the incidents of ‘unprovoked and inexcusable violence’ shall we? We can start with Allison backhanding Aaron across the face. I know none of you were ignorant of the boundaries Andrew had drawn around his people, you complained about them often enough. And yet Allison responded to a shitty comment that was directed at me, by the way, with violence. But it’s Andrew’s fault for taking her to the floor? Andrew, who gave up  _ everything _ to keep his brother safe, who gave all of you ample warning about how far he was willing to go to protect him. And Allison is what? Blameless in this situation?”

Dan tried to interject again, color high in her cheekbones.

Neil silenced her again. “No, I get it. It’s so much easier and convenient to blame  _ the monster _ .” Vitriol dripped off his tongue. “Now let’s talk about Matt, shall we? Matt, who saw what Riko did to me, and punched Kevin. How is that for ‘unprovoked and inexcusable’? Once again, one of the upperclassmen  _ crossed a line _ that was very clearly drawn. How dare you act surprised? You signed him for his protective and defensive instincts, or is he only worth a damn when he’s holding the line and saving your ass on the court? As captain, I would think that it would be your job to at the very least try to hide your hypocrisy and play at being unbiased? But what do I know? I’m new at this.”

Neil fell silent and stared at Dan. He had done his best to curb his tongue, to close his teeth against his most vicious tendencies, but she still couldn’t look him in the eye. A part of him, not as small as he would like, was pleased by that. “I’m finished here.” He decided, and got to his feet. He could call Andrew for a ride, but he wanted to get rid of the rest of his temper before he saw anyone and the run would do him good. 

He exited the diner and walked across the parking lot. He looked back through the window and saw Dan, looking small, staring down into her coffee blankly. Neil sighed and pulled out his phone. Matt answered on the first ring. “Neil! My man!”

“Hey Matt,” Neil said, “Dan is at the diner, you should come pick her up.” He snapped his phone closed on Matt’s questions and began to jog, hoping the pounding of his feet on the pavements would smooth the jagged edges of his mind. 

\--

Neil didn’t feel better by the time he made it back to the dorms, so he looped back around campus one more time on Perimeter Road. When he circled back around to Fox Tower, his mind was finally quiet and he was already planning how to fix things with Dan. He wasn’t sorry, and he didn’t regret one word out of his mouth, but he wasn’t angry anymore. He trusted that Dan had listened and learned, because the Foxes had taught him that they cared what he had to say.

He was still mulling over what he was going to say when he walked into his dorm and froze, Matt, Dan and Andrew turning to stare at him. Matt looked uncomfortable, Dan looked defensive and Andrew appeared as bored as he usually did, but his eyes held a hint of a spark that did not bode well for Neil. 

“Neil!” Dan greeted, “we were just-”

“Bothering me.” Andrew cut in, eyes drifting back out the window. From where he was perched on his desk, Andrew would have seen Neil’s approach. Neil felt warm at that. “ Which I hear is your fault.” Neil opened his mouth to respond. “No.” Andrew said, which snapped Neil’s mouth shut and he froze, mid-step, in the middle of the room. “I think you have said quite enough.”

Behind him, Matt made an abortive protest, as if Neil needed to be defended from Andrew. Neil turned to glare at him, and he shut up. Neil made a face at Andrew, as he passed him on the way to the bedroom so he could shower, but Andrew was back to ignoring him, in favor of smoking out the window. 

\--

Dan and Matt were gone when Neil got out of the shower. Andrew did not appear to have moved, but Neil knew he would have locked the dorm room after the upperclassmen had left. 

“Hey,” Neil said softly, pausing in the doorway to gauge Andrew’s mood. “Are you hungry? I have to get the freshmen soon, but I have a few minutes before I have to go.”

Neil waited patiently for Andrew’s attention. It was slow in coming, but eventually Andrew turned to face him. “What have I told you about fighting my battles? It is unnecessary and tiresome.”

Neil shrugged and padded towards Andrew on his bare feet. “I told you what I would do the next time someone called you a monster. I’m not sorry. ” He paused just outside of arms reach, careful not to crowd the other man. 

“No,” Andrew said, “you are far too stupid for that. One day I’ll learn. Yes or no?” Andrew finally turned all the way to face Neil, opening his knees just enough to be an invitation. 

Neil took one large step forward and fit himself between Andrew’s legs, slipping his hands into his pockets to show Andrew he wouldn’t touch him. “Yes.” He tilted his chin down, leaving it up to Andrew to close the distance between their mouths. He was always extra careful when he was above Andrew. 

Their lips met, softer than he had expected, and the rest of Neil’s restlessness and anger slid away, leaving only humming warmth. 

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

Neil’s lips were numb and kiss-bruised by the time he finally managed to pull himself away from Andrew. “Freshmen,” he muttered, reminding himself more than Andrew. “Can I take the Maserati?”

“You have keys,” Andrew’s hands dropped from his hips as he shot Neil a disinterested look. Neil would believe it, if Andrew’s lips didn’t look as red and bitten as Neil’s felt. Unable to resist, Neil leaned back into Andrew’s space, lips tilted up in offer. Andrew rolled his eyes, but indulged him, pulling a pleased hum from Neil’s throat. Even after all those months, the keys Andrew has given him have never lost their weight. 

“Enough,” Andrew firmly pushed him away, shoving him towards the door not so gently. 

Neil went easily. “You’re welcome to come with me,” he offered, anticipating Andrew’s refusal. Andrew’s flat, unimpressed stare was answer enough. Andrew followed Neil to the door of the dorm and closed the door firmly behind him, flicking the lock before Neil could take two steps away. 

The drive to Upstate Regional Airport only took twenty minutes, but Neil was still a few minutes late. Luckily for him, Brian Powers’ flight was late, and Jack Tillis wasn’t expected until twenty minutes after that. Neil parked the car in the short term lot and made his way into the building, leaning against the same wall Andrew did a year ago, to wait. 

Neil felt his stomach clench when he thought about where he was just a year ago. He had been trying to move on from the dread and desperation he had been stuck in since the beginning of his freshman year. It was hard to conjure up the fear and hatred he had felt for Andrew, the sickening lurch of inevitability that had driven him to that bus-boy at Eden’s. He had thought Andrew callous and cruel and psychotic. These days, Neil bloomed under his hands. He knew that the safest place in the world was pinned between Andrew’s body and any hard surface. It was hard to reconcile the desperate creature that had crawled off the plane a year ago with the honest to god human person he was now. It settled him, somehow, to so clearly see all the differences between who he had been and who he was now. 

And the idea of confusing Andrew and Aaron, even temporarily, made him chuckle. 

Neil recognized Brian Powers the moment he saw him. Not because he had ever seen him before, or even because of the passport-sized photograph that was paperclipped to his file. No, Brian Powers just looked like a Fox. His gray eyes were shifty and his black hair was dirty. Despite his broad shoulders, he hunched away from the crowd, cringing rather than letting anyone so much as brush his clothing. He looked around anxiously before his eyes landed on Neil. 

Neil didn’t bother waving, he was dressed in his Foxes sweatsuit, he could be seen from space. Sure enough, Brian headed towards him, anxiously kneading the strap of his backpack. “Baggage claim?” Neil asked when they were face to face. Brian nodded. Neil flipped his keys around his knuckle. He wasn’t sure how to do this. How was Dan so friendly and welcoming to strangers? How did she know what to say? “I’m Neil,” he said stupidly. “Brian, right? How was your flight?”

“Nice to meet you,” Brian muttered, “It was okay.” Neil nodded, and tried to think of something else to say while they stood by the carousel. 

As it turned out, Neil had been overthinking it. By the time Brian had collected his suitcase, they were deep into a debate about whether speed or power were more important for a striker. Neil, of course, favored speed, while Brian argued for power. He was a technical player, much like Kevin, which was probably why Kevin had picked him for the line up. 

Neil was feeling a bit more confident in his vice-captaincy abilities by the time his own striker pick landed. Jack Tillis was the striker from Columbus Neil had quietly clung to back when Wymack had asked him to make the first cut for this year's lineup. Kevin had argued that the anger and attitude problem would make him too difficult to handle considering his mediocre abilities, but Neil thought that all that pent up emotion could be turned into pure power on the court. 

Unfortunately, Jack Tillis wore a scornful sneer from the moment he appeared, shoving between bystanders with no care for whom he jostled. Neil felt his stomach twist with instant dislike for the green eyed striker, who reminded him, disconcertingly, of Riko. “The fuck are you looking at?” Jack demanded aggressively, using the four inches he had on Neil to loom in what he probably meant to be intimidating fashion. It certainly seemed to cow Brian, who melted back behind Neil’s back at the first sign of unfriendliness. 

“Not much, to be honest.” Neil said coolly, before turning his back and leading them both back to baggage claim for Jack’s shit. The careless dismissal clearly irked Jack, but Neil really couldn’t bring himself to care. After needling Neil for his scars and shortcomings on the court until he realized he wasn’t going to get the reaction he wanted, Jack redirected his spite to Brian, who turned out, unsurprisingly, to be a much easier target. 

Brian and Jack were going to be roommates and would have to sort their shit out sometime, so he bit his tongue and didn’t intervene on Brian’s behalf as the other striker tore into him. 

Jack continued to sneer and talk shit all the way out to the Maserati. He shut up for a few moments to stare once it was clear Neil was getting into it before he swaggered up to the front seat. Neil, already in the car, hit the locks before Jack could open the door and shot him a cold look. “Back seat,” he ordered. Brian slid into the back without complaint, but Jack flushed a dull red and reached for the passenger door handle again. 

“Are you deaf?” Neil asked, mockingly raising his voice a few octaves and jabbing his thumb over the shoulder. 

“What the fuck?” Jack demanded, “Open the goddamnn door, Wesninksi!”

Neil ignored him and caught Brian’s eye in the rearview mirror. “He’ll walk all over you if you let him,” it was all the advice he would give the other man. The Foxhole Court was ruled by Darwinism, eat or be eaten, and unlike Andrew, Neil wasn’t particularly fond of taking in strays. 

Neil turned the car on. “Two minutes,” he warned Jack, who had started yelling obscenities loudly enough to draw a crowd, as if Neil would cave in order to avoid a scene. “You have two minutes to finish your tantrum and get in the back, or you can walk.”

It was never too soon, Neil thought to himself as he made a show of getting comfortable, to establish hierarchy. He could already tell that Jack had an attitude problem to rival his own. He was welcome to push and challenge it on the court, but he would learn his place off of it, one way or another, and this was Neil’s opening salvo. He never had liked bullies. 

Two minutes passed and Jack was still stubbornly glaring, so Neil put the car in drive and pulled away from the curb. “You can’t actually leave him!” Brian cried, looking fearfully out the window at the furious man now running after them.

“Sure I can,” Neil said nonchalantly as he slowed for a red light. “Open the door for him, will you?” 

Jack was panting and flushed when he crawled into the backseat. He immediately snarled and reached for Neil, who stepped on the gas and sent him flying back. “Buckle up.” he said mildly, and then took a page out of Andrew’s book and turned on the radio until it screamed, making it impossible for Jack to adequately express his rage. 

At least he knew better than to attack the driver of a sports car when it was moving. Neil would be fair game once it stopped though. Oh well, it had been awhile since he had been punched. 

Neil ignored them as he parked the car and made a point to leave the seat adjusted to his slightly longer frame, just to be a shit. 

Jack was on him as soon as he stepped out of the car. The taller boy lunged and pinned Neil to the side of the Maserati, making him sigh with exasperation and grab Jack’s fingers, wrenching them back and away almost hard enough to break them. Jack grunted and reared back, but responded with a well trained fist to Neil’s jaw. 

Neil’s teeth clicked and sank into his lip, filling his mouth with blood, which he promptly spit into Jack’s face, blinding him enough to put some distance between them. The fight was over, Jack wouldn’t be able to catch him even if he attacked again.

“That was stupid,” Neil said, testing his fattening lip with his thumb. Andrew was going to kill him. Jack panted and wiped Neil’s bloody saliva out of his eyes, face twisted with disgust. “You don’t have to like your teammates, you don’t have to be polite to them. But you do have to be very sure you’re ready to accept the consequences if you’re going to hit one of them.” Neil grinned at the strikers, one dripping and furious, the other pale and uncertain. “Maybe I should have warned you both earlier, but, well, I don’t much like you, Jack.”

Jack took one look at the butcher’s smile Neil wore and looked away, muttering insults just quietly enough for plausible deniability. Neil opened the trunk and let them get their bags, before leading them to Fox tower. In the elevator, Neil pulled the two small envelopes with student ID’s and keys in them out of his pocket. One he handed to Brian, the other he deliberately dropped at Jack’s feet.

“Oops,” he said blandly, and got out of the elevator before Jack could hit him again. “There’s your room,” he pointed down the hall at one of the empty dorms where Asher Perko, the new goalie sub had been dropped off by Dan an hour ago. “Get acquainted, unpack or whatever, meet at the court in an hour. Allison or Matt will give you a ride if you ask nicely.”

Thoroughly done with Captaining for the moment, Neil left them to it and retreated to his room to ice his face. 

\--

“Wow,” Kevin said when he caught sight of Neil’s face. “That’s a new record, even for you. You met them what? A half hour ago?”

“Shut up,” Neil muttered, heading right to the freezer. There was an old bag of frozen veggies, so he pulled it out and wrapped it in a hand towel. It was snatched out of his hand before he could bring it to his jaw. 

Neil lowered his hands and blinked at Andrew, who reached out with cold fingers and grasped his chin, pressing Neil’s bitten inner cheek to his teeth. “Open your mouth and I’ll blacken your eye to match.” His voice was too bland to be anything but a promise, but his eyes were focused and cold, rather than blank and bored. 

Neil bit back his habitual ‘I’m fine’ and hissed when Andrew replaced his fingers with the peas. He slowly raised his hand, half expecting Andrew to bat it away, but he was allowed to rest it on Andrew’s cheek, in silent reassurance. 

Twenty minutes later, Andrew tossed the soggy vegetables in the sink. “Who?” he asked flatly. 

Neil rolled his eyes, “What, I’m allowed to talk now? This,” he touched his cold chin, “is nothing.” It didn’t even register on Neil’s pain scale, but that wasn’t what Andrew had asked. He met Andrew’s impassive stare for a while before he sighed. “Jack’s a dick.”

Andrew walked out of the room. “We’re leaving!” Kevin called a moment later, and Neil followed them out of the dorm. The hallway was empty and Nicky and Aaron loitered by Andrew’s car, so Neil figured that they must be running late. 

In a twist of irony even Neil could appreciate, Kevin pouted until Andrew threatened to leave him behind if he didn’t get in the back of the car, leaving Neil the passenger seat. He kept his face impassive, but such blatant favoritism warmed him down to his toes. Not even the glare Andrew shot him when he had to pull his seat forward could stop it.

“Why does Neil get the front seat?” Kevin complained, squashed between Nicky and the door. 

“Because he sucks my dick, Kevin.” Andrew replied, like he was commenting on the weather. Neil barely heard Aaron’s gag or Nicky’s delighted squeal. It was the first time Andrew had said anything about Neil’s clumsy blow job back in Columbia. He had never expected him to joke about it, especially around his family, but this was a new side of Andrew, and Neil would cradle it with both hands. 

He was still bemused by the time they walked into the locker room. “Took you maggots long enough-” Wymack started to say, when Andrew entered the room. Kevin, Aaron, Nicky and Neil headed towards their spots, but Andrew looked around the room and settled his eyes on Jack’s slightly bruised knuckles.

Neil realized Andrew wasn’t behind him precisely two seconds before Andrew’s fist knocked Jack’s head into the wall behind him. Andrew’s second fist sank into the freshman’s stomach before anyone could react. Andrew stepped back as Jack slumped to the floor, unable to draw a breath. 

“What the fuck!” Dan shrieked over Wymack’s furious cursing and shocked noises from the freshmen. Matt took two steps forward and thrust his arm between the rookies who surged forward to intervene and Andrew, who stepped back and looked around with bored indifference. 

“What part of ‘I’m fine’ did you not understand?” Neil asked lightly in fumbling Russian, when he could find his voice. He shifted his weight to hide exactly how… affected he was by Andrew’s territorial little display, unnecessary as it was. 

“What did I tell you about opening your mouth?” Andrew replied in the same language, not even bothering to look at Neil. 

“Sit your midget-y ass down, Minyard!” Wymack growled, pointing a threatening finger at Andrew, who looked at him impassively and then strolled over to his spot on the couch next to Kevin, who muttered something to him about breaking their new striker. “And you!” Wymack whirled on Neil, who only resisted his urge to reel back from the angry man through familiarity with Wymack’s temper. “Want to tell me what that was about?”

Neil just shrugged. “Team bonding?” he offered. Allison snorted in the background. He wasn’t entirely sure what Andrew’s problem was, they had broken their deal last year and it wasn’t like Jack was a threat to him, but he wasn’t about to bring it up in front of the team. 

“For fucks sake…” Wymack muttered. “You okay, Tillis?” 

Jack looked spitting mad as he licked blood from his lips, and he slapped at the hands the other freshman offered off and stood up by himself. He threw himself in Andrew’s direction until Matt got in his way. “I really wouldn't,” he warned, putting an arm in between Jack and Andrew. 

“Fucking psycho!” Jack snarled, but if he was looking for a reaction he got none.

“Sit the fuck down! All of you!” Wymack boomed, and the room grudgingly subsided, although tensions remained high. Neil studiously avoided the pointed looks Dan kept throwing his direction and plopped himself down in his place between Andrew and the arm of the couch, careful not to jostle the blond goalie. 

“Introductions,” Dan said, forcing a smile. “I’m Dan, offensive dealer and fifth year, I’m also your captain, so come to me with anything you need, Rookies.”

“A restraining order?” One of the freshman girls muttered to another one. 

“You,” Neil pointed at her, “Thanks for volunteering to go next.”

She sneered at him. He stared impassively back until she heaved a dramatic sigh. “I’m Sheena Fontana, offensive dealer.”

Introductions went smoothly after that. Other than Jack, Brian and Sheena, there was a new defensive dealer, backliner and goalie. Neil tried very hard not to loathe them on sight, knowing they were there to replace the girls in a year. 

After introductions, Wymack outlined the summer schedule, cardio from 9-11, practice from 3-7, Sunday’s for recovery and film. Neil mentally added night practices with Kevin and Andrew and felt faintly pleased with the breakdown of his days. 

Abby showed up with pallets of chinese food as Wymack finished talking and the athletes fell onto the feast with ravenous single mindedness. One by one they were pulled for their physicals, but Neil had a chance to catch up with all of the upperclassmen and was able to avoid too many interactions with the rookies. He should be making more of an effort, but he didn’t trust himself to be pleasant. 

Jack pulled Sheena and some of the others into a corner and muttered to them, shooting aggressive glares over at Aaron, which Neil thought was hilarious, but it reminded him to check in with Andrew when he got the chance. 

Neil’s physical exam went much smoother than his last two. Abby no longer reacted like a kicked puppy when Neil pulled off his shirt to prove he lacked track marks, and he currently had zero stitches. But Neil had forgotten about the overlapping layers of hickeys and love bites that Andrew had strewn across his collarbones, around his nipples and on his hip bones. They dipped even lower than that, but thankfully Abby didn’t need him to take off his pants. 

She went faintly pink when she saw them, and bit back a smile at Neil’s glare. “Ah, do you need-”

“No!” Neil cried when she gestured at the bowl of condoms she kept on her desk. Neil wasn’t embarrassed or ashamed of what he and Andrew did, and he often found himself pressing wondering fingers against the marks, making them ache and buzz and igniting heat in his core. But they belonged to Andrew and Neil, they were private and Neil didn’t want them bared to the Foxes for speculation. 

Abby kept her gentle smile, eyes lit with amusement as Neil muttered something unintelligible and struggled back into his shirt.  _ At least _ , he thought _ she couldn't tell anyone.  _ Unless it impacted a players ability to play, Abby couldn’t tell anyone, not even Wymack, what was going on with the players bodies. 

She laughed at him on his way out. 

He was still feeling a bit huffy by the time they made it back to the dorms. Neil’s mood was not helped by Dan’s text, telling him that she was hosting the freshmen in her room, for drinks and team bonding, and as vice captain, his presence was required. “Are you going to come?” Neil asked Andrew, snapping his phone shut with a scowl. Andrew stared at him ponderously while he pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and blew smoke directly into Neil’s face without breaking eye contact. 

It was petty and unnecessary and so  _ Andrew _ that Neil had to smile. “Yes or no?” he asked, leaning into the cloud. 

“You have problems,” Andrew informed him, “yes.” 

Neil didn’t have a lot of experience with kissing before Andrew, but he was still surprised just how  _ good  _ it felt every time their lips met. The kiss started out chaste, just a press of closed lips. Then Andrew’s hand slipped up Neil’s neck and fisted in his hair. Neil opened his lips with a moan and suddenly Andrew was licking heat into his mouth, dripping it through his veins. Neil fisted his hands to prevent them from reaching out for Andrew. 

Andrew’s fist tightened, holding Neil’s head still as he pulled himself away from Neil’s mouth. Neil sighed with disappointment, swaying in Andrew’s direction. Andrew brought the cigarette to Neil’s mouth to distract him. “Go to your party, Junkie.”

“Yeah,” Neil muttered around the cigarette, inhaling only enough to keep the cherry lit. “The party,” Andrew rolled his eyes and plucked the cigarette out of Neil’s mouth.

“I won’t let you back in the dorm without ice cream,” Andrew said, stepping away and towards his bean bag chair. “Go away now.”

Neil went. 

  
  



	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a short, filler chapter that I struggled with a bit, but I think that it gets us where we need to go to get to the next part of the story.
> 
> cw: oral sex

The first week of practices passed in a haze of frustration and growing panic as the team struggled to incorporate the freshman, and Neil tried (and mostly failed) to bring everyone together. He was torn between self-doubt and useless anger at Wymack for putting him in this position. He wasn’t a leader, he was barely even a real person!

Blessedly, all of the original Foxes, even Aaron, listened to Neil without even blinking, which made an impression on most of the freshman. But it was remarkable how much trouble Jack and Sheena could cause, when they set their minds to it. And many of the other freshmen followed their lead off the court if not on it. 

Jack would only listen to Kevin, who spent most practices berating Neil incessantly in French. Even though Jack couldn’t understand the words, there was no mistaking the tone, and he mocked Neil mercilessly. 

Neil gritted his teeth and took it, because he was vice-captain and was supposed to bring unity, not tear his team to shreds. But it was exhausting and disheartening, and he could barely bring himself to look at Dan or Wymack in the eye. 

He wasn’t the only one adjusting. Andrew’s boundaries had shifted. Not his personal ones, those were still ironclad against everyone except, perhaps, for Neil. As the team worked on integrating the freshman and they each jockeyed for position, the upperclassmen gradually discovered just how much longer the leash Andrew kept on his people had stretched. Kevin, as Matt learned one afternoon in the locker room, could be punched once, but not twice, and only by one of the original foxes, who Andrew knew wouldn’t actually hurt him. 

Andrew no longer intervened in Aaron’s life, but no one was allowed to physically hurt him. He allowed far rougher play with his brother on the court than had previously been tolerated, which Neil took advantage of with relish, never quite able to forget the conversation they had had at the cabin last spring. 

But if Andrew had loosened the reins on his family, he seemed to have tightened his grip on Neil, much to his confusion and surprisingly, delight. Andrew never tried to make decisions for Neil, or tell him what to do, but he seemed to prefer to keep Neil within his arms reach, or at least sight line. A harsh body check was all it took for Andrew to aim every returned goal to the head or feet of the offender with deadly accuracy and painful force. Neil had to ask him to stop occasionally, as vice captain, but Andrew knew Neil liked it, as baffling and unnecessary as it was. 

Neil asked him about it one night, stealing his cigarette on the rooftop. “Why did you punch Jack? We don’t have a promise anymore.” Andrew paused for long moments, until Neil thought he was going to be ignored. 

“It’s not about a promise,” Andrew said finally, plucking the cigarette from Neil’s mouth, fingers brushing his lips feather-soft. He sucked it down to the dregs and dropped it. Smoke drifted up from his mouth and obscured his face for a moment. Neil wanted to lick it from his mouth, but that could wait. Neil’s lust would always come second to Andrew opening up. “I…. I don’t like it when people put their hands on you,” his words were bitten off and precise but they still took Neil’s breath away. 

Andrew still called them nothing. Andrew still never talked about things he wanted outside of sex and he would push Neil off the roof if he knew just how precious he was. “I can take care of myself,” Neil pointed out. He wanted to make sure that Andrew didn’t feel compelled to protect him. The thrill Neil got out of Andrew’s protection stemmed from the fact that Andrew wanted to do it, not from the act itself.

“False,” Andrew poked a cold finger into the scarring under Neil’s eye to make his point. “But I protect you because I want to. Tell me no and I’ll stop.”

“There is nothing I’d say no to right now.” It was a blatant invitation and Neil’s heart stuttered and blood pooled low when Andrew’s eyes flicked over him in slow perusal, lips pursed around a fresh cigarette. Sex was never a reward for them, but Andrew’s hint of vulnerability warmed Neil down to his bones. It made him want whatever Andrew would give him. 

Because Andrew would always make sure that Neil was safe, and kept him close to make sure.  _ Nothing _ could ever mean more to Neil. 

Andrew rolled his eyes but stepped closer to Neil. “Can I blow you?” Neil asked, suddenly wanting that with a savage fierceness. Something inside him thrilled at the thought of worshipping Andrew in that way, showing him how important and  _ wanted  _ and appreciated he was by Neil. 

Andrew tilted his head and briefly considered. “No,” he said finally. 

Neil immediately stepped back and held his hands where Andrew could see them, ardor instantly cooling. Wanting Andrew in a way Andrew didn’t want to be wanted was enough to make Neil’s bile rise. 

“Come here, you idiot,” Andrew said gruffly, winding his fingers in the strings of Neil’s hoodie. Neil hesitantly stepped back into Andrew’s space, but didn’t attempt to fully close that distance. “I am not afraid of you.” he said deliberately, then, “yes or no?”

Neil eyed him. “Yes. If it’s a yes for you too.” 

Andrew bit his lip, just on the edge of too hard. “All I want to hear from you is ‘yes’ or ‘no’ do you understand?” then he dropped to his knees. 

Neil hardened at that sight alone, pathetically easy for his partner. “Andrew…”

Andrew bit his hip, sucking until a bruise formed. Neil moaned loudly and just barely resisted thrusting his hips towards Andrew’s mouth. “That was not a yes or a no, Neil. Was I unclear before? Do you need more instruction?”

Neil’s mouth gaped open, rendered utterly speechless at the sight of Andrew mouthing along the obscene tent of Neil’s cock through his sweats. Andrew looked up at him through his pale eyelashes, lips slick and red. “Yes or no, Rabbit?”

“Yes!” He wanted to say more, but Andrew had told him to only say yes or no so he shoved a knuckle between his teeth to shut himself up. His eyes rolled back in his head as Andrew used  _ his teeth _ to pull Neil’s waistband down enough for his cock to spring free. “Eungh,” Neil groaned, already red and weeping. 

“Don’t touch me,” The look Andrew gave him was stern and predatory. Neil looked around for somewhere out of the way to tuck his hands and settled on his own hair. When Andrew was satisfied Neil would listen, he stuck his hand under his own waistband to grip himself. 

“Yes, yes, yes!” Neil chanted, his newly freed mouth tripping over the word Andrew wanted to hear in an effort to get it out. 

Andrew wasn’t a gentle lover. He waited until he was sure his advances were welcome and then he swallowed Neil down with devastating efficiency. He was overwhelming and wet and  _ tight _ and suction and only the knowledge that falling over would dislodge him from Andrew’s mouth kept Neil on his feet. 

Neil whined as Andrew sucked harder and swallowed around his length. “How fast can I make you come, do you think?” Andrew pulled off just long enough to ask. His voice was as flat and unaffected as ever except for a hint of a rasp that made Neil’s hands tighten to the point of pain in his hair. Neil couldn’t tear his eyes away from Andrew’s forearm, which flexed as he continued to pleasure himself. His cock twitched at Andrew’s words and the muscles beneath his navel clenched, drawing his balls up. “Oh,” Andrew said, almost sounding amused. “This won’t take long at all, will it?”

He was right. He breathed hot air over Neil’s aching cock until he whimpered and twitched. Finally, Andrew relented and raised one hand to the base of Neil’s cock, thick fingers fluttering against the delicate skin of his balls. He set a fast rhythm with his mouth, bobbing his head as he worked Neil over. Neil broke quickly, undone by Andrew’s tight mouth and firm hand and his words-  _ I protect you because I want to. _

Andrew swallowed, gently massaging Neil’s aching cock as he came. “‘M gonna fall,” Neil warned as his legs gave out. Andrew shoved his thighs hard enough that he fell backwards onto his ass, legs hopelessly tangled in his sweats. 

“I thought you had  _ stamina, _ Rabbit.”

Neil glared at Andrew with bleary eyes. “Now who’s a liar? Besides, you came too!”

Andrew pulled Neil back to his knees with the collar of his hoodie and kissed him. Neil smiled into his mouth, not disgusted in the slightest by his own taste on Andrew’s tongue or the soiled hand Andrew wiped across Neil’s hoodie, leaving damning evidence of what they’d been up to.

Andrews phone rang. For a moment Neil thought he would ignore it, but only a handful of people had the number and Andrew’s sheepdog tendencies had not ended with his promises to them. “Aaron,” he said, as if his hand wasn’t still sticky and Neil’s dick wasn’t still hanging out of his pants. Neil adjusted himself quickly, nothing destroyed the mood more than Andrew’s asshole brother. He was close enough to hear the murmur of Aaron’s voice, but not the words. “No.” Andrew said, cutting him off. “Stay there.” He hung up the phone before Aaron could reply.

Neil opened his mouth to ask, but took one look at Andrew’s face and shut it with a snap. Andrew shoved himself to his feet and left the roof, slamming the door behind him. Neil pulled off his dirty hoodie and balled it up to hide the stain, before following Andrew down stairs. 

Neil was much faster than Andrew, but he made sure to stay several steps behind the other man all the way down the stairs and through the hallway. Aaron was pacing in the living room when they entered their suite. 

Andrew marched right up to his twin and stopped in front of him, forcing Aaron to pull up sharply or run into him and risk Andrew’s wrath. “Get out,” Aaron hissed at Neil, eyes on Andrew. 

Neil considered arguing, pointing out that this was his dorm, that far scarier people than Aaron had failed to make Neil listen to them, but Andrew twitched his fingers in dismissal so Neil ignored Aaron and walked straight through the room to the bedroom. He closed the door to give them privacy and tossed the sweatshirt in the vague direction of the laundry basket. Kevin’s laptop and headphones were strewn across his bed, so Aaron must have kicked him out while he waited for Andrew.

Neil was considering taking a shower when he heard Andrew say his name. It was just loud enough that Neil knew that he was being summoned so he opened the door and stepped back towards the other men. “Tell him,” Andrew ordered, staring through his twin. Neil’s alarm grew as his eyes darted over Andrew, noting the way his fingers lingered around his armbands and the tightness of his jaw. 

“It’s none of his bus-”

“I say it is.”

Aaron gritted his teeth but there was no arguing with Andrew when he used that tone. He thrust a letter at Neil with a glare. 

Neil didn’t need to read it to know what it was, but he did anyway. After only a few sentences the words blurred and he looked back at the twins. 

He had been right. The state prosecutor had decided to go forward with the charges against Aaron. A trial date had been set. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!! Let me know what you think!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Massive thank you to everyone who reads and interacts with this fic. I know I haven't been as good at responding to comments as I normally am, but that doesn't mean that I do not read them all or that I am not profoundly grateful for each of them! I am just trying to prioritize writing for a little while!
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 8

Neil didn’t mention the upcoming trial to anyone. As far as he knew, neither did Andrew, except maybe to Betsy, whom Andrew told most things. Aaron probably told Kaitlyn, but Neil didn’t like thinking about how much she probably knew about Andrew. Somehow, though, news of the upcoming trial slipped out and hung heavy over the original Foxes, seemingly louder despite remaining unspoken. What the freshman knew, or didn’t, Neil didn’t care. 

Despite the animosity lingering between Andrew and the upperclassmen, they rallied around him just like they always did. 

And the weeks past. Student’s flooded the campus and classes started again. The Foxes cycled through Reddin for their meeting with Betsy. Neil and Aaron were assigned the same time slot and drove there and back in antagonistic silence, for once united against the stupid system that should have dropped the charges, but didn’t. 

The first weekend in August, the Foxes gathered in the basement for a tequila and taco filled party celebrating Matt's 22nd birthday. Nicky had managed to get his hands on a karaoke machine and had to be physically stopped from singing "Hey Nicky you're so fine, your so fine you blow my mind, hey Nicky" over and over again. 

The first game of the season approached like a slow motion car crash. It was against Breckenridge and Neil was silently sure that they were going to lose. How many lost games would Ichirou allow before he cut his losses and Neil’s throat?

Neil knew that if Wymack and Dan only played the original Foxes, they would easily win, but he also knew that the freshmen needed the experience in order to develop as players. It was frustrating, but Neil knew he had to get used to it. 

The day before the game, Wymack called Neil and Dan to his office after practice to go over the roster and game plan over shrimp fried rice. The existing team dynamics would no longer be sufficient, so Neil sat quietly and fiddled with the tab of his soda while Wymack and Dan bickered over who should play and when. They finally settled on pairing one original and one new Fox on the court at any given time, so the newbies were able to gain experience and their partners were able to clean up the messes they inevitably made. 

“That work for you, Neil?” Wymack asked when he and Dan had finally agreed on the lineup. Neil looked at the page Dan handed over and forced himself not to sigh. It would be hard for Neil to not play full games, but he knew it was an adjustment he had to make. 

“Sure,” he agreed. “As long as we pull the freshman at the end of the second half if we need to.”

“They need the experience, Neil. That’s why Andrew’ll be in the goal too. Could you ask him to actually play?” Dan said, looking at Neil sidelong. 

“Are we going to do this again, Dan?” Neil asked tiredly. When would they understand that Neil would never leverage his  _ nothing _ with Andrew for _anything_ , not even exy? 

“I meant as his vice-captain, Neil.” Dan’s voice was a tad testy and a horrible thought occurred to Neil. 

Neil swung his head to Wymack. “Is that why you made me vice-captain, Coach? Because you thought you could use me to  _ control Andrew? _ ” his voice did little to hide his disgust and disappointment at the very idea. 

“Of course not!” Dan snapped, fury darkening her cheeks.

“That is, without a doubt, the  _ stupidest _ stream of  _ bullshit _ you have ever spewed, Josten. And that's including antagonizing Riko Moriyama. Do I need to ask Abby to check your head? Because I can’t think of a reason other than a concussion for you to think so little of me.” Neil was used to Wymack’s overblown temper and occasional exhausted sadness when one of his Foxes got hurt. He wasn’t used to his disappointment. 

Shame crawled up his throat and he looked at the floor. “Sorry Coach,” he muttered.

“You'd better be,” Wymack finally said. “Now get out of here, both of you. Remind the children to wear their gear tomorrow and to meet in the lounge at 4.”

Neil fled without looking back. 

\--

The next day dawned sunny and warm and the campus buzzed with excitement over the opening of the exy season, followed by the football season the next evening. Neil, dressed in his eye catching orange, tapped his pencil through each of his lectures. He thought he took notes, but when he returned to his dorm in the afternoon for a meal before the game, he noticed that the only things he had written down that day were plays. 

Kevin returned and nodded in brusque approval of Neil’s meal: broccoli with brown rice and chicken. The microwave dinged and Neil took out the other plate he had prepared and slid it across the counter at Kevin. Kevin looked at it, and then at Neil. He opened his mouth, closed it and then reached for a fork. “Game footage?” he asked, already moving to the livingroom to cue up the last game Breckenridge had played last season. 

Neil and Kevin spent the next hour absorbed in game prep, analyzing plays and bickering over strategy. They both jumped when Andrew slammed the door pointedly. Neil looked up with a grin, wondering if he could convince the goalie to join them. One look at Andrew’s unimpressed face told him the chances were low. 

Somehow, Kevin still hadn’t learned to hold his tongue. “Join us,” he commanded imperiously, nudging Neil to the side until he could make room. 

Andrew looked at him blankly, face shuttered. “Walk, then,” he decided, turning on his heel and marching right out the door with another slam. 

“Is he serious?” Kevin snapped, somehow still surprised by Andrew’s apathy. “I thought that since he started joining us for night practices- where are you going?”

Neil shoved himself to his feet and shot a scornful look at his friend. “Are you serious? It’s already 3:30 and if we don’t catch him we  _ will _ have to walk. Do you want to be late?”

Kevin kept up a constant stream to complaints down to the parking lot, but he thankfully shut his mouth when the Maserati paused at the mouth of the parking lot, just long enough to be an invitation. 

They changed out quickly, Neil back in the stalls now that the freshman had joined the line up. He wasn’t ashamed of his scars, per se, he just didn’t like to think or talk about them, and he didn’t trust the freshman to keep their mouths shut. Neil stood supportively next to Dan and Wymack through the pre-game pep talk, but he didn’t have anything much to add, not with his blood singing at the prospect of playing a game again. He couldn’t keep the grin off his face during warm ups, not with the crowd so loud and excited and energetic . This was _his_ court and he had Kevin next to him and Andrew at his back and that was all he had ever wanted.  But when the whistle blew, Neil was on the bench, sandwiched between Nicky and Renee.

It was a disaster. Matt had to hold the defensive line all on his own because Margarita quailed under the fury of the Jackals, shying away from contact as her marks blew past her again and again. Sheena should have dropped back to help the way Allison would have, but she seemed too determined to get the ball to Jack. In spite of all the shit Jack talked about idolizing Kevin, he refused to work with him, choosing to let the ball be stolen from him over and over rather than pass to his teammates. 

Kevin snarled, Dan yelled and Wymack bellowed but he refused to pull the incompetant freshman for the entire quarter. Neil stewed and paced and shouted from the sidelines, frustration bleeding into his voice as the minutes ticked by without the Foxes managing to score. At the eight minute mark, Andrew blocked a shot and sent it to Matt. Matt ignored Jack screaming for the ball and made a beautiful shot off the glass right into Kevin’s racquet. Kevin scored on his seventh step, zipping through the defense like a hot knife through butter. 

Matt, who kept having to cover for Margarita, wasn't able to get the ball for the rest of the quarter, which meant that neither did Kevin. If it wasn’t for Andrew in the goal, the game would have been lost in the first twenty minutes. He blocked shot after shot and refused to pass to Sheena or Jack, sending the ball to Kevin when he could and at the other goalie when he couldn’t. It was stupid and ensured that the Jackal’s kept possession almost the whole time, but since they couldn’t score against him it ultimately didn’t matter. 

Kevin’s singular goal was the only one on the scoreboard when the first quarter finally ended. “Neil-” Kevin started to say when Neil took his place on the court. 

“I got it, Kevin,” Neil said as he brushed past the other striker, eyes already on Andrew. Andrew had paused near the goal to say a few words to Renee as she took his place for the next quarter. Andrew tilted his head in Neil’s direction, the only indication that he noticed Neil’s approach. Renee smiled and pulled on her helmet as she drifted away. 

Andrew’s hand snaked out and caught Neil by the faceguard. “What do you want?”

“Thank you,” Neil said, gently wrapping his hand around Andrew’s padded wrist.

“If you say I was amazing, I’ll slit your throat right here.”

The buzzer sounded before Neil could reply and he jogged up the court to his starting position. Andrew’s eyes were still on him, so he tapped his fingers to his helmet in their salute and chuckled at the middle finger Andrew tossed back. 

The second quarter went much better than the first. Aaron and Nicky were on defense and they worked together on the court better than they did off of it, allowing Dan to focus on helping Brian and Neil score. Brian was inexperienced and nervous, but he passed when he needed to and listened to Dan’s encouragement. Neil scored twice in the first ten minutes and then once more two minutes before half-time. Renee worked hard in the goal, only allowing one ball past her after Nicky was bowled over and unable to find his feet quickly enough to impede the Breckenridge strikers shot.

At halftime, the score was 4-1 Foxes favor and Neil was still buzzing with energy. He accepted the cup of sports drink Abby handed him as he entered the lounge and flopped himself on the couch he shared with Andrew and Kevin. Kevin was still so furious about his quarter that he paced, but Andrew sat next to Neil and pretended to sleep, head back and eyes closed. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Kevin demanded, rounding on Jack as soon as he showed his face. “Are you incapable of passing? You are not even good enough to step on a court during a game, let alone touch the ball. There is no room for arrogance on my court-”

“Well that’s rich,” Nicky murmured, flopping himself into the seat next to Neil and loudly slurping on his drink. “Coming from Kevin and all.” 

Neil couldn’t help but laugh at that. Andrew opened one eye to glare at him half-heartedly at the sound. 

“Sit down, both of you!” Wymack snapped, pointing a finger at the arguing strikers. Kevin protested, but Jack wordlessly fled to the back of the room, uncharacteristically quiet. He had red spots on his cheeks, from either anger or shame or some combination of them both. 

“Shut up!” Wymack said, he glared pointedly at Andrew, who continued to ignore him, but everyone else grumbled and fell silent. “Okay, not bad for the first half. Asher, did you see what the goalies did? Do that next quarter. Aaron, Matt, help him out. Neil, you’re on with Jack 3rd quarter. Jack, if you don’t pass the ball I’ll run you so hard you wont be able to walk for a week. Sheena, if Jack’s not open  _ don’t pass it to him _ . Allison, give defense a hand if they need it. The Jackal's are getting reamed right now and they’ll definitely come out swinging. Just because we have subs this year doesn’t mean I want any red cards. Questions? No? Good.” 

Wymack left them alone for the rest of the break to rest and think and argue amongst themselves. Neil ended up pacing, unused to this much energy by the middle of the game. Even though he remembered how exhausted he’d been all last season, he still didn’t like the idea of losing his ability to play full games.  _ It’s not necessary, _ he reminded himself as they lined up to reenter the court,  _ but it was so, so fun. _

“Are you going to be competent?” Kevin asked, grabbing his arm as Neil moved past him onto the court. 

Neil stared at the hand and then glared up at Kevin. “Have I given you reason to doubt it?” He snapped, irritated. 

Kevin’s eyes warmed to something that almost looked like approval. “No,” he said, and Neil allowed himself to smile. The roar of the crowd penetrated his helmet and sent adrenaline and excitement coursing through his veins. “I think you’re going to win it for us,” Kevin admitted, and shoved Neil onto the court as the buzzer sounded. Neil felt warm with affection for Kevin, and wished fervently that they were playing together this quarter. 

Jack didn’t touch the ball almost the whole quarter. He seemed to be avoiding it spitefully, as if to say  _ you don’t want me to hog the ball? Fuck you. _ Allison had to abandon the defense to help Neil get the ball into Jackal's territory. Thankfully, Matt and Aaron were able to hold the defensive line, but there was only so much they could do with Asher Perko in the goal. The freshman was slow and timid and ball after ball slammed home behind him. 

Neil took advantage of his speed and energy and managed to slip three shots past the Breckenridge goalie, but he was furious as the quarter wound down with a score of 7-6. Andrew had already done his job, and Renee’s efforts should have been enough to ensure victory, but the selfishness and incompetence of the freshman threatened to ruin it. 

Neil tried to get control of his rage as he stalked off the court. He looked at Kevin meaningfully, hoping he could do more on offense with Brian than Neil could with Jack. Neil couldn’t help but slow as he passed Andrew. He wouldn’t ask Andrew to do more than he already had, it wasn’t fair and Neil had nothing worth anything to offer in exchange anymore. Andrew paused in front of Neil instead of walking around him. “Something to say?” he growled. 

Neil shrugged helplessly, but no words came. “Josten! Move your ass!” Wymack bellowed from the sidelines as the buzzer sounded with Neil still on the court. 

Andrew narrowed his eyes at Neil for a moment, before shoving him out of his way. Neil went easily, and found his seat between Allison and Matt on the bench. 

“You good, Man?” Matt asked, eyeing Neil as he viciously tugged open his water bottle with his teeth. 

“Why are they so useless?” Neil demanded, glaring down the bench at the clump of freshmen. Sheena glared back at him, but looked away when she noticed how flat his eyes were. 

“They’re  _ freshmen _ ,” Allison said, as if that explained everything. “It’s their job to suck.”

“Chin up,” Matt said, “Kevin just scored!”

That was enough to redirect Neil’s attention to the game. Brian finally seemed to have found his feet and he executed a tricky pass to Kevin, allowing him to score again, before Brian was shoved off his feet by a backliner. It was such a blatant foul that the backliner was given a red card and escorted off the court to a cacophony of boos. 

Kevin leaned in to whisper something to Brian as he lined up for his penalty shot, and then clacked sticks with him after Brian managed to slip the ball past the goalie. Kevin scored one more time with two minutes left on the clock, but Neil could barely pull his eyes away from Andrew’s goal to appreciate Kevin’s skill and technique. 

Andrew shut down the goal like he was born for it. Margarita was too slow and weak to do much to deter the desperate strikers, and Nicky wasn’t skilled enough to pick up all of the slack, but it didn’t matter. Andrew didn’t let one ball into his goal. 

Wymack caught Neil’s eye as Andrew sent the ball soaring across the court to Kevin and Neil just shrugged and shook his head, Andrew was doing this  _ because he wanted to _ , not to fulfill a promise. Neil couldn’t have wiped the grin off his face with sandpaper. 

In the end, the score was 10-6. The Foxes had won, but it was a sloppy game, with too many mistakes and no teamwork. Neil didn’t like the idea of the team relying on Andrew to make up for all of their failures, but all of his frustration and disappointment was overwhelmed by his relief at winning. He had been so worried about the Foxes crumbling under his questionable leadership that anything short of that felt like a victory. 

“Andrew…” he breathed as he fell in line behind Andrew to shake the Jackal’s hands. 

“Don’t get used to it,” Andrew murmured back, tilting his head slightly backwards to acknowledge Neil's presence. 

Wymack caught Neil’s eye and jerked his thumb at the waiting press as the team retreated to the locker room. “Take Nicky with you,” Wymack ordered, “and for the love of god, try not to incite anyone to try and murder you this time.”

“Yes, Coach.” 

Nicky bounced over to Neil with his helmet under his arm and slung his other arm carefully around Neil’s shoulders as they ambled over to the waiting press. Andrew passed them without a backwards glance as he ushered Kevin into the locker room. “Andrew says Eden’s tonight,” Nicky told Neil, “even Aaron’s abandoning Katelyn to hang out with us!” His effortless cheer was contagious, and Neil found himself in a good mood by the time the first microphones were shoved in his face. 

“Neil! -”

“Nicky! What did you think about-”

“How is the line up changed with-”

Neil was immediately overwhelmed by the sheer number of questions being asked, but Nicky brightened even further and tried to answer them all at once until Neil gripped his elbow and squeezed. Nicky looked over at Neil, but obediently went quiet until the reporters got their shit together and quieted down. 

“You,” Neil pointed to the first reporter who raised his hand. 

“Congratulations on opening the regular season with a win,” he said, stepping forward. “Last year Coach Wymack and Dan Wildes credited your success to teamwork and communication. That seemed to have disappeared during tonight's game. Was it first game jitters, do you think, or have the Foxes returned to their volatile team dynamics?”

Neil breathed deeply and fixed a smile on his face. It was fake and forced, but the best he could do. “It’s hard to incorporate six new personalities into a team, but I think we proved tonight that we can hold the line until we’ve worked out all the kinks.” 

“Nicky,” another reporter stepped forward with a red painted smile as fake as Neil’s was. “As an upperclassmen, is any of the tension visible on the court due to the controversial promotion of Neil Josten,” she sent a sly look in Neil’s direction as she spoke, “-over more experienced members of the team?”

“Excuse you?” Nicky snapped. “Neil earned his spot a hundred times over within  _ three months _ of joining this team. You people are the only ones who seem to think there’s anything ‘controversial’ about his promotion.”

Neil looked over at Nicky gratefully. Nicky winked at him and took a step back so Neil could make a statement. “Basically,” Neil said, “we had a rough game. Our offense is clunky and our defense is unbalanced. But all of that can be fixed with experience. I don’t think last season was a fluke, I think it was just a taste of what’s to come for the Foxes. Everything we achieved last season was accomplished with nine of us, just wait and see what we can do with fifteen. Thank you all for your interest and  _ concern. _ ” Sarcasm dripped from his last word and Neil snapped his mouth closed and retreated to the locker room before his mouth got away from him and ruined Wymack’s weekend.

Madelyn had brought speakers into the lounge and blasted music loud enough to be heard in both locker rooms. Nicky cheered and bopped along, swinging Renee around as he passed her on the way to his shower. 

Dan was congratulating an overwhelmed looking Brian and Neil paused long enough to join them. “You stepped up,” he said, making the freshman flush with pleasure. “Keep it up.” Neil wasn’t good at encouragement, so he nodded at Brian awkwardly. Neil made a face at Dan, who looked like she was barely suppressing her urge to laugh at him and fled to the showers. 

Neil was the last one clean and dressed but the whole team waited for him to slip into his spot between Andrew and Kevin before Wymack began speaking. 

“Congrats on the win,” he said gruffly. “I’ll wait until Sunday to go over all the mistakes that we made. For now, get out of my sight and do whatever it is you idiots do for fun. If any of you get arrested don’t think I’ll bail you out. Be back here Sunday at 4 for film and team dinner. You should be proud of yourselves,” he finished, meeting each of their eyes. 

The noise rose to a low rumble when Wymack went to his office and the team began to gradually disperse. Neil turned to Andrew. He longed to comment on the game and tell Andrew how good he was, how much it had meant to Neil that Andrew had tried. But he knew better than to bring it up, especially with the others milling around. “Columbia?” he asked instead, tongue sticking to the roof of his mouth for a moment as he remembered their last trip. 

The heat in Andrew’s eyes told Neil that he wasn’t the only one who remembered. “Columbia,” Andrew confirmed, and reached over the arm of the couch to retrieve a paper bag, which he dumped unceremoniously in Neil’s lap. “Better get changed.”

  
  



	9. Chapter 9

It was raining by the time they arrived at Sweeties. If Nicky had been driving, he would have dropped the rest of them off at the door before parking so they wouldn’t all have to get wet, but it was Andrew behind the wheel, so they all had to run through the rain to the faded awning. It was late August, and while the days clung to summer until after Halloween, the nights had already begun to cool, especially in bad weather. 

It didn’t matter. Andrew still ordered ice cream, so Neil sighed, ordered his own and shoved it in Andrew’s direction without even pretending to take a bite. The diner was loud, and crowded and Neil was tired and cold. He wrapped his palms around his mug of coffee and laid his head down, watching his family interact. 

Nicky and Aaron were goading Kevin, tossing comments about the line up and tonight's game just to fuck with him. Kevin, bless him, didn’t realize he was being teased and reacted exactly the way the cousins wanted him too. Andrew, to Nicky’s baffled delight, used the distraction to slowly replace scoops of Kevin’s ice cream with crumpled up bits of napkin. 

Kevin’s baffled face when he finally ran out of breath and reached for his sundae only to find it nearly entirely made of paper was so funny that even Andrew’s face twitched. Kevin looked uncertain for a moment, as if he wasn’t sure the prank was a sign of friendship or cruelty. Neil, who couldn’t stand that sort of doubt on Kevin’s proud face, stole his ice cream back from Andrew and slid it in front of his friend, lightly kicking his sneaker under the table. 

Andrew, usually as protective over his desserts as he was over his family, didn’t even blink. Perhaps he saw that flash of Riko’s memory in Kevin’s eyes too. Andrew turned to meet Neil’s eyes, because Neil was already looking at him, how else could he be expected to feel safe with his back to a crowded restaurant? 

“Time to go,” Andrew said quietly, but everyone heard and stood up without protest. Nicky tossed a few bills on the table and they all filed through the tables towards the entryway, sneakers squeaking against the damp tiles. 

Impossibly, it was raining even harder as they drove through the dark streets towards Eden’s Twilight. The line of leather clad partiers wrapped around the block like it usually did, but all the waiting patrons hugged the side of the building, as if that would protect them from the downpour. It didn’t. They all looked like drowning rats, weighed down by silver studs and melting eyeliner. 

“I think I want to drink, tonight,” Neil told Andrew when he pulled to a stop in front of the entrance of the club to drop them off before parking.

  
  


Andrew stared at him. “You think,” he said. His voice should have been lost underneath Nicky’s excited squeal, but somehow it sounded louder to Neil’s ears. 

“I know.”

“I don’t know why you’re telling me,” Andrew said, even though he did. “Tell Roland.” Neil leaned in close enough to breathe in Andrew’s distinctive smell, smoke and leather and something else that always made Neil’s stomach tremble. He wasn’t looking for a kiss or a touch, but his eyes still closed as he inhaled. Andrew tugged on Neil’s bangs once, firmly, and shoved him out of his space. 

“Poor fucks,” Nicky sympathized, eyeing the queue as they cut the line, dutifully executing the complicated handshakes with the bouncer that served as their cover. These days, even Neil was greeted with friendly familiarity. Neil thought about the immediate support Aaron received after news of his arrest broke and decided the thought of being known at Eden’s was no more dangerous than anything else he did last year. 

Neil peeled away from the others as soon as they breached the dark, pulsing interior, sending them to the reserved table in the back and taking himself to the bar. People looked at him as he passed them, making him feel vaguely uncomfortable, but no one reached out to touch him. Neil was used to the weight of Andrew’s desire for him, and the casual compliments and flirtations from Nicky and the rest of the foxes, but all he ever saw in the mirror was his torn up face beneath his fathers eyes. He would never understand strangers who looked at him with hungry eyes, as if he were something to be consumed. 

The club was crowded, so Neil had to elbow his way through three layers of people until he reached the bar. He tried to catch Roland’s eye, but the bartender was distracted and slammed. Neil knocked his knuckles against the wood to the time of the thumping bass that roared over the speakers.

“What can I getcha?” Neil looked up at the grinning bartender. He had never seen her before, but he there was usually a new face behind the bar each time they came. Normally, he would wait for Roland, who knew their order, but he could already imagine how impatient and cranky his friends were getting without their drinks.

“Ummmm, eight shots of whiskey, tequila and vodka, one whiskey rocks, three long island iced teas, five water bottles and a coke.” 

“Wow,” the bartender laughed, flicking one of her twin braids over her shoulder. “Having a party?”

“Neil!” Roland said, throwing a towel over his shoulder and sidling over. “I can take care of this one, Cindy, brown hair over there is asking for you specifically,” he said to the bartender, who shot a coy look down the bar and sauntered off. 

Neil hummed his greeting and turned his back to the bar, looking for a flash of blond in the crowd. “Here ya go,” Roland said breathlessly, sliding the overloaded tray by Neil’s elbow. Neil pulled out a wad of cash and tried to hand it to him. He laughed, “Nicky’s got it . Look -” he pointed down the bar at a leather clad man who was leaning into Nicky flirtatiously. “That guy offered to buy all his drinks and he said you were getting them.”

“This is $200 worth of alcohol,” Neil said doubt clear in his voice. 

Roland shrugged. “Nicky's got a great ass. Neil, relax, this sort of thing happens all the time." 

Neil eyed Nicky’s flirtation doubtfully, but left him to it and hoisted the tray up so he could carry it back to their table without anything spilling. Andrew was waiting for him when he emerged from the crowd. Neil felt a warm shiver roll down his spine when he found Andrew’s eyes already focused on him. He had probably been watching his back since he left the bar. “Thank god,” Aaron said when Neil put down the tray. 

“What took you so long?” Kevin demanded, pulling over his vodka and hunching over it protectively, like Neil was going to steal it. 

“Where’s Nicky?” Andrew asked, bringing his whiskey to his lips. Neil watched as he took a long pull from the straw.

“Uh yeah, he’s with some guy. He bought all the drinks. Andrew froze, pulling back to examine his glass. “Roland made them,” Neil reassured him, “he says this is a normal thing people do.”

Andrew put down his drink and looked over the crowd. “It is, but Nicky might be too stupid to realize that some assholes in clubs think $200 buys them more than drinks. Watch them,” he commanded, sliding off his stool. Neil watched as he disappeared into the crowd in search of Nicky, hands tracing his forearms to make sure he was prepared. 

Neil reached for the coke out of habit and made a face when he realized he forgot to get drinks for himself. He looked at Aaron and Kevin, who seemed to be bickering over the History of Medicine class they were both taking this semester. “Don’t move,” Neil said, leaning in close so they could hear him over the music. 

Aaron rolled his eyes and Kevin waved an imperious hand in response, so Neil hurried back to the bar. This time, he got the third bartender. He ordered two shots of gin and tapped his fingers impatiently on the bar while he waited for them. He looked over where he had last seen Nicky, but Andrew must have found him already, because the spot was empty. Neil peered through the mass of bodies and checked on their table. Andrew and Nicky were there, Nicky drinking quickly to catch up so he could pull Aaron and maybe Kevin off to dance. 

Neil didn’t feel like dealing with them until the drinks hit him, so he took his two shots right there at the bar to give them time to clear out before he joined Andrew. 

Neil didn't realize anything was wrong until he reached the table and nearly stumbled into Andrew, who looked up at him with raised eyebrows at Neil's uncharacteristic clumsiness. “Neil,” he said, one tight hand finding Neil’s hip to steady him. 

Neil tried to swallow, but it felt like something was blocking his throat. “Andrew,” he rasped, or he thought he did. He couldn’t hear his own voice over the swelling chaos of the club. Or maybe that was just the blood rushing through his head. Andrew was saying something, words coming hard and fast but dissolving before they reached Neil’s ears. The world lurched sickeningly and Neil hit the ground. 

He needed to get up, he needed to  _ get away _ he needed to run. “Andrew,” Neil said, trying to find meaning in all the confusion. The floor was sticky, but he slipped as he tried to push himself back to his feet. A strong hand reached down and Neil looked at it, waited for it to grab him, but it just hovered there. 

Neil took it and Andrew pulled him back to his feet. “Andrew,” he said, “don’t drink the gin.” Andrew’s head turned with deadly purpose,  _ who is he looking for?  _ The floor shifted, like a toy boat in a bathtub when his father came in and  _ pushed his head under the water and held him down until he opened his mouth to scream and bitter soap poured down his throat. _

Andrew’s hands pushed him against a wall and Neil waited for the questions but they didn’t come. Instead Andrew turned his back and pulled out his phone. Neil had to focus on his hand to make sure he didn’t actually touch Andrew’s skin when he reached out to tug on his sleeve. “You didn’t have to do this,” he told Andrew, who turned on him with a frown. “I would have told you anything if you would have just asked.”

“What are you talking about?” Andrew demanded, his normally blank face cracking like an earthquake. “I did not do this. Neil,  _ I did not do this _ .”

Neil didn’t like the look on Andrew’s face. He wanted to smooth it out, but he couldn’t touch him without asking and he  _ couldn’t remember the words.  _ “Trust you,” he said, “tell you. Ask.” His hand hovered over Andrew’s furrowed brow, but he didn’t make contact. 

Andrew looked like he wanted to punch him, but Neil’s stomach lurched and he leaned to the side to be sick. 

Confusion, nausea and alcohol swirled into a noxious fugue that yanked Neil back in time. His heart raced, sending adrenaline shooting through his muscles, making him want to run, but he didn’t know where. His mother grabbed his hair and  _ yanked, _ Lola laughed as the cigarette lighter popped out, coils glowing and still hungry. Over the music and sounds of the club, Neil heard the heavy thump of The Butcher coming down the stairs, dragging his axe behind him.  _ “We’ll slit your ankles, then your knees” _ he said, words effortlessly following the rhythm of the music. Neil’s stomach dropped with the beat. He heaved again, words repeating over and over until they disappeared into Jean’s french as Riko rattled his cuffs. 

Neil couldn’t feel the wall holding him up, and Andrew’s hands were gone. Neil spun around wildly, but his eyes wouldn’t focus on anything but the blur of lights and colors and faces. “Andrew,” he rasped out, “help me!” 

A strong, warm hand wound around Neil’s neck, fingers twisting through his hair just tightly enough to center him. It wasn’t enough, Neil was still vibrating so much that it rattled his teeth and tried to shake him out of his skin. He gritted his teeth and tried to pull himself together, focusing on the hand at the base of his skull. 

Andrew made a noise, and then firmly tugged Neil to his chest, pressing him between his solid body and the wall, tucking Neil’s face into his shoulder. Neil inhaled his smoke and musk scent and felt his lungs fully expand, finally allowing his heart to begin to slow. 

“Take me home,” Neil mumbled, “don’t want to be here, take me home, tell you anything.” The hand in Neil’s hair tightened viciously, then released. 

“What the fuck, Andrew?” Aaron snapped, somewhere off to the left. 

“Is Neil okay?” Nicky demanded, worry seeping through the haze in Neil’s brain. 

Andrew shifted, propping Neil up with a hand around his hip. Nicky grabbed Neil’s other hand and looped it around his shoulder, taking some of his weight.  _ “No,”  _ Neil moaned, “Nicky, not again, I don’t want to.” 

Nicky stumbled, sending Neil careening into Kevin, who held him up with unmoving hands. “Andrew!” Nicky squeaked, because Andrew was gone too, hand ripping away from Neil’s neck like it had never been there. 

“Jesus Christ, Andrew! Get the fuck off of him, what’s wrong with you?” Aaron shouted. Neil swayed towards the noise, knowing it was important to stop whatever was happening, but thoughts kept melting from his brain as soon as they formed. 

“‘Drew?” he said, straining against Kevin’s hold. “‘M fine.”

“Oh,  _ that’s  _ a helpful statement,” Aaron snapped. “I need to look at him, Andrew and I can’t do it here, we have to go.”

“Andrew, he’s calling for you!” Kevin said, voice raising over the noise. His hands were gentle and supportive, but they were the wrong hands and Neil didn’t want them on him. 

There was a thump and a cry and then Andrew was back, dragging Neil forward. Neil went willingly, trusting Andrew to pull him out of this. Metal slammed against the brick and Neil felt cold, fresh air hit his face. It smelled wet, but the rain had stopped at some point when they were inside. The heavy door shut, muffling the music. “-get the car, Neil. Can I leave you here with the others?” Andrew asked. Neil tried to think. He didn’t want Andrew to stop holding him up, keeping him tied to the present, so he didn’t forget  _ who  _ or  _ when  _ he was. But he wanted to go home, too, and those two things couldn’t happen at once.

Neil was so very tired. “Don’t leave me,” he muttered, but he forced his uncooperative fingers to loosen their death grip around Andrew’s shirt. “Don’ wanna be alone again.” Andrew gently brought their foreheads together and then disappeared.

Aaron and Kevin lowered him down until he could sit, swaying softly, on the curb. Aaron pulled out his phone and triggered the flashlight, passing it in front of Neil’s eyes. “Pupils dilating,” Aaron said, “heart rate elevated but steady, I think it's just a roofie, or maybe molly. You can stop crying, Nicky, I think he’s going to be fine.”

“‘M fine,” Neil confirmed, slumping slightly over to the left until Kevin caught him. 

There was a muffled roar and then Andrew was back, heaving Neil up and into the front seat of the Maserati. The others were talking about him, Neil heard his name several times, but he couldn’t bring the words into focus. He tried to raise his hand, but he couldn’t quite make his body move. His mind was quiet, fogged over and muffled, setting him adrift. 

Three car doors slammed, and Neil rolled his head to the left, trying to focus on Andrew’s face as he drove. Andrew looked tense and angry, but Neil couldn’t remember why. He felt warm and safe and drowsy. 

He was safe, he was safe so he could let go and drift and sleep. 

He woke when they reached the house and the twins helped him out of the car and into the house. They placed him on the couch and a glass of cold water appeared in his hand. He blinked at it, then brought it to his mouth, liquid running cool and sweet down his throat. “No more gin,” he told Andrew, or he thought he did. His tongue seemed far away from his brain. “Tell you anything, just need to ask. No more secrets, I promise.”

Nicky made a wounded sound. Neil leaned forward, trying to look around Kevin’s body to see what was hurting him, but they were all looking at Andrew with twisted expressions on their faces. “Get out,” Andrew ordered. “Now.”

“It’s the living room, where are we supposed to go?” Kevin groused, but Aaron and Nicky tugged him up the stairs. Neil eyed them warily. He usually slept up there, he thought, but now his legs weren’t working. 

“I need to put you to bed,” Andrew said, “you’ll feel better when you wake up.”

“Trust you,” Neil reminded him, trying to get his feet back under him. They felt clumsy and heavy and for a horrible moment he thought maybe his father had sliced his tendons and broken him. Then Andrew’s strong hands were on him and he was safe again. Andrew walked him down the hall and into a bedroom. It wasn’t Andrew’s, which was probably a good thing, because it took a lot of focus for Neil to stop his hands from reaching for him. "What happened to Nicky's face?" 

The world swung around and Neil was on his back, shoes tugged off and thrown against the wall. There was a pillow, and a blanket and a hand smoothing back his hair. And then it was dark and quiet and Neil knew no more. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!! next chapter should be up by mid March. Let me know what you think!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! my full update schedule for this (and all my other fics) is posted each month on my Tumblr (elesary).


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